tweet -@UtilityLimb % kewl garden tip: pet cactus provide your pad w/ spicy latin style AND essential home security -@UtilityLimb % @AGentleBrees What if someone made a battle bot that could only suck its own weener -@UtilityLimb % ugh... meet'n'greet devolved into hoot'n'woot yet again... -@UtilityLimb % family dog tear up couch and uses scraps to build cocoon... metamorphosis into better dog?? answer: no... #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % get in a taxi and driver has no steering wheel or pedals-but you do! he make you go opposite direction. really out of the way #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % convoluted series of domino events create uplifting NRG beat in backyard waking neighbors #DarubeGoldbergMachine #unfaireviction -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin man tweet likely happenings #mundaneevents all come true except sudden new skullshaped moon being "no big deal" #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % you write check &realize yr sig sideways look like man impaled on spears. spooky part: check was for DIY home spike trap kit #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % RT @woodmuffin: Your long-dormant pager comes back to life displaying 80087734. You flip it around to discover "hELLBOOB" #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % family dog disappear with lantern for days on end. returns with wounds, foursquare checkins deep below earths crust, amulets. #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % parakeet strangely laconic except imitating sound of distant train at 4am daily. train sound closer each time. earth tremors. #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % frugal black cat close browser each time u walk in room. history cache show DiscountCauldron.info, Factory2ndBats.biz #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % @bro_pair in english Namaste translates to: Da Nastayyy!! -@UtilityLimb % driverless black subaru pursues u thru desolate desert but has trouble keepin pace, breaks down after couple miles #marginallyominousevents -@UtilityLimb % booming, disembodied voice admits "Balthazar" is just nickname, real name particularly less imposing #marginallyominousevents -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin thank you. based on true story. irl amulets big let down. dog did not need artifact enhanced urinary power+neither did my carpet -@UtilityLimb % @AGentleBrees same thing happen to me. tried to say Ian Curtis, accidentally said I am Kurdish. #MyLifeEndedInEarly90sIraq -@UtilityLimb % @bro_pair bieb baath and beyond -@UtilityLimb % estranged romanian uncle send gift for 9th birthday: undulating black sphere. turns out its really fun to play with #marginallyominousevents -@UtilityLimb % hooded groundskeeper's answer of "puberty" RE: sudden severe growth of manor's stone gargoyles just raises further questions #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % @kafkaesqueteen new country form based on FW:funylaws.rar! dissolve in controversy 2 days later when prez throws owl like football (ILLEGAL) -@UtilityLimb % @AGentleBrees bush demands swole activist judges STOP legislating from&killing it on the bench, gets swirly in toilet full of legal gay weed -@UtilityLimb % typo in my craiglist m4m ad cause pharoah show up at my house gimme Mummy Tummy. toilet withering in decay from so many curse turds :( -@UtilityLimb % neighbor's SUV has stick figure decals on rear window of man, woman, 2 boys, dog, horde of scorpions, giant sandworm, obelisk #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit ing wit? what verb is presently participling, and wit what? 1 of times great unknowable enigmas... (answer: hooting wit' prescience) -@UtilityLimb % @brendlewhat thank you but only follow during day, leave me alone at night. need stealth and silence for genderheists -@UtilityLimb % @mydxmproblem lol @ jennifer schwalbach smith marrying a figurative 12 year old -@UtilityLimb % realize 2late that travel brochure claim "breathtaking spine tree forest" not a typo &neither is "snow-capped mountain beaks" #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % .@mobute cancer diagnosis much more fun before realizing doc had said oncology not arcology #hypertower #sprawlingtechnoziggurat -@UtilityLimb % driving through seemingly abandoned town you notice every clothing store has sign declaring size 80W500L pants all sold out #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % sleeves of every shirt sold at mall have no opening connect together like ouroboros, mall exits just lead deeper into mall #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % @leducviolet was accidentally within range of that hex during filming, spent last decade in fetal pos w/ excruciating impassable gall stone -@UtilityLimb % @leducviolet i meant lotr not marilyn manson sucking own dick (lost highway directors cut, also the straight story directors cut) -@UtilityLimb % @brendlewhat roger waters good solo albums cure cancer, too bad heeeEEEEAAAA*voice turns into sound from invasion of the body snatchers* -@UtilityLimb % roger waters doesn't need novocaine, he's already comfortably... HITLER?!? -@UtilityLimb % @bro_pair thanks for the heads up bout the new #CherryPoppinDeities altar! #NonEuclidianCheckerboardPattern -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair what the... only the dick is catching flame?? booming bega bellows: "i am a construct of wood, not of society" -@UtilityLimb % @PlanetofFinks definitely going to try writing something for that but have no idea how to write anything longer than 3 sentences -@UtilityLimb % 'ey there sugar... thinkin your thorax look even hotter reorganized into bonyboob exoskeletal configuration #CreepTweets -@UtilityLimb % that pepper spray isn't going to help you, i don't have eyes. #creeptweets -@UtilityLimb % RT @woodmuffin: Your mouth is like a cave. It's dark. It's damp. And in a moment, it's going to be filled with spiders #CreepTweets -@UtilityLimb % @fart cranberry born in wrong berry body -@UtilityLimb % BREAKING: dead sewer scrolls reveal christ turn water into slime. entire ocean, slime. #bible #prophecy #oozechrist -@UtilityLimb % BREAKING: dead sewer scrolls give stern warning: judge not lest ye be sludged #bible #prophecy #oozechrist -@UtilityLimb % @dinosaurjrrk dont hav that sory but fav mory feldman is "for samuel beckett" could upload for you if you dont hav. #slowlymodulatingthicket -@UtilityLimb % @fart Year is 2012 and the genderqueer mayan gods aren't decimating society's BS constructs, just society's vital infrastructure #fuckthem -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit yes he does! and thaks gonna check those out later :] -@UtilityLimb % mosquitoes landing on bug zapper unphased, successfully biting and sucking electricity out of it #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % women, children, and the unarmed #shiitesmydadslays -@UtilityLimb % lookin 4a thiack azzz mami 2 lick+suck my chitin while i sloooowly cleave her noggin in twain w/ me pincers #twitterafterdark -@UtilityLimb % @aerobicrobot wat hapen?? -@UtilityLimb % @ingwit good night james, from me, a hideous mutant made of tendons and teeth -@UtilityLimb % you are only one surprised and not singing along with national anthem at baseball game being "black ships ate the sky" #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % arrive at paleontology museum to discover singular titanic skeledino created from all bones of other dinos and museum staff #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % @leducviolet toddler dismayed that megazord crafted of household pets and glue gun not very fun or powerful -@UtilityLimb % gonna swarm and violently puncture+inject you with rumpspike venom #sincewereseethinghornets -@UtilityLimb % RT @crushingbort: some of the faces on the missing children flyers are now stamped "DEFEATED" #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % none of the 48,000 identical cans of potted meat received at food drive explain what exactly is "chicken of the deep" #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % kafkaesque arboretum -@UtilityLimb % house republicans claim thrill-first-ask-questions-later bailout of artifact recovery specialists danbrownesque, qobratic, kickassian -@UtilityLimb % distant smoke tweet alert coming of lizard ones. yell for @grok @thoog return to cave. beg spirits that bone rites protect. #primevaltwitter -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit i will mak you 1 art. you or som1 else gimme shortstory/post/tweet to turn in2 audioreading on top of surreal postminimal soundscape -@UtilityLimb % @menfickskabb that could work mebbe! possible microsong material. will see... -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit aaah that would own! but i started a couple hours ago on "open palm slam a vhs". if ppl think like this i'll do that one next -@UtilityLimb % @bro_pair love will find a wayans... -@UtilityLimb % RT @Mobute: @thebibandit The Wayans calendar ends in 2012. Mark your time. -@UtilityLimb % i hope "hoot first, ask questions later!" been used at some point by marketing man making lot of money to positivley describe a sitcom -@UtilityLimb % @J_Chastain mystery blur assault lazy bird man. crime: put food in paper shredder as nestling wife+daughters knelt beneath, mouths agape. -@UtilityLimb % greg howard vows to destroy careers of liberal twitter trolls aaliyah, ian curtis, big bopper, def leppard drummer's disembodied arm -@UtilityLimb % gaza elect bahamas. jew, arab friends now. steel drum play havah nagila/adhān medley. "only battle at limbo now" say man sipping coconut. -@UtilityLimb % during debate lincoln point at douglas start yelling "FAAAAAAA-". graveyard report say corpse still yelling. yet 2yell "GGOT" #debaterecord -@UtilityLimb % reagan tell mondale he "weepy baby" &got "doodoo dipey" 172 time during surprise debate after election at mondale moms funeral #debaterecord -@UtilityLimb % you took our fire. you gave it to the mortal ones. now look what they did to build-a-bear. #badprometheus -@UtilityLimb % Beauty is Exactly Skin Deep - Wardrobe by Buffalo Bill's Boutique #badpromthemes -@UtilityLimb % renovation reveal hidden tunnels beneath mpr, green day - time of your life heard echoing below at 40bpm in impossible key #badpromthemes -@UtilityLimb % i got a monster manual too *holds up yearbook* no fictional beast could match the damage that todd did to me... -@UtilityLimb % @extranapkins we all piss on a yellow submissive -@UtilityLimb % @leducviolet thats ok yours was better, mine just a graey alien ref. all the retweets you got are legally mine tho. -@UtilityLimb % The Guy From Queen Is Dead #pozmoz -@UtilityLimb % Mange Gay's Rear, We Cum #pozmoz -@UtilityLimb % My Twitter Rank is Wildly Different from My Social Standing in Actual Life! -@UtilityLimb % my twitter is rank. "puke duke." "bog baron." -@UtilityLimb % John Balance delighted to be freed from "Most Hilarious Fatal Toppling" burden -@UtilityLimb % @mydxmproblem special message from jhonn: always eat your greens. esp. broccoli. -@UtilityLimb % Inbred Empire #teapartymovietitles -@UtilityLimb % Eternal Sunshine of the Spicless Mind #teapartymovietitles -@UtilityLimb % Arousing Cougar, Hidden Imam #teapartymovietitles -@UtilityLimb % A Portrait of the Arab as a Human #bannedbooks -@UtilityLimb % @bro_pair palestinians fall for Enticement Dinghy filled w/ basic human needs, trigger comical trap that crush them and offspring w/ anvils -@UtilityLimb % GOOD NEWS: terrifying figure discovered beneath mall just a mannequin. not a dead body. BAD NEWS: not a dead mannequin. #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % Face Brown, Class Lower / Thats The Race That We Fuck Over! #TeaPartyPR #TeaPartySongs -@UtilityLimb % @bro_pair @acaringgirl i always wonder how many islamophobes happen to love those "romantic relationship" poems by "some guy named rumi" -@UtilityLimb % @Rappin4Safety im hard to find. username contain glyphs not available on human keyboard. -@UtilityLimb % RT @graeydaeve: pumpkin hatched. this world is not what i thought it was. the patchling scratches. devoured many crow. So. You new to s ... -@UtilityLimb % .@SimmonsBedding sleep on simmons bed restless, hollow. nightmare of beds past. ?? years spent in slumber. do not recognize world i woke to. -@UtilityLimb % loar boar speak of histories hidden and artifacts antiquarian. warn that the new ways weaken planets lifesauce, scorn the zomnipotent. -@UtilityLimb % spent last 9weeks shuffled back+forth thru diffrnt lines. no1says if tickets still available, or even exist. this kafkafest is kinda…u know… -@UtilityLimb % home godot 2: bumbling burglar duo try to rob house. are foiled. become ensnared in stasis imposed by selves, superglue. -@UtilityLimb % .@Ingwit butt cairn. corn bones inside. interred in turd. #mortalhusk -@UtilityLimb % RT @babywolfpupy: people in egg costumes chanting "egg council rules" in car drive over banan peel and fly off cliff -@UtilityLimb % @kafkaesqueteen @woodmuffin my name irl is Ominous Evan -@UtilityLimb % ANCHORMAN: highway traffic halted by a 17 car pileup-*listens 2 earpiece* correction... halted by a serpentine scarred pylon #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % have no reagents2make skelefriends. adventurer took only thing that matter 2me:gem that sustain execrable necrosis. no point 2unlife ne more -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit those owned, esp trash golems -@UtilityLimb % aging worldeater stymied by inexorable march of time, indigestible marsh of slime -@UtilityLimb % .@ingwit here thing. thing i did. not thing like what i normly do. words by @graeydaeve ! daeve i hope this ok w/u,ilu! http://bit.ly/b0mlUh -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit :) thx turned out more normal than i intend but w/e. if you njoy weirdmusic info its microtonal, 7limit just intonation(1/3tones) -@UtilityLimb % @Mobute thak you, good luck on your journeys -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair haha i didnt but if you want to go ahead?? you have the power+stats... -@UtilityLimb % @J_Chastain oh man you never saw that original post?? http://bit.ly/9oF9np do you mind if i do this for "we have all turned to metal men" -@UtilityLimb % @shrineshrine music right there! not work for you? -@UtilityLimb % @subsubsequence thank yuo :) i want to be in team thac0 too...! -@UtilityLimb % @kafkaesqueteen thank you friend! -@UtilityLimb % @acaringgirl thags :] you are caring! -@UtilityLimb % @graeydaeve thanks!! im happy you liked!! -@UtilityLimb % @PlanetofFinks yeah i did, thanks! itd have been pretty lame if i just took someone else music for this -@UtilityLimb % Koyaaniscoochie #discountporn -@UtilityLimb % psst... secret bookworlds... -@UtilityLimb % RT @babywolfpupy: Cookie Monster: Me not know what is at the mountains of madness, hopefully it cookie -@UtilityLimb % chumbawamba, donna - laura palmer -@UtilityLimb % PEARL HARBOR, DEC 7 1941 -- NEW EVIDENCE PROVES LINK BETWEEN FASCIST ASIANS, KRAUTISM -@UtilityLimb % RT @J_Chastain: my horse stopped moving. had to check its insides. hate that place. empty rooms+hallways go nowhere. colossal horse face ... -@UtilityLimb % hovering leaf swarms begin to shed withered dead branches, trunks, birds. #ominousevents #autumnaldread -@UtilityLimb % .@mydxmproblem thanks but dont have webcam (visible spectrum light unpleasant, burning). usb sonar batcam belligerent and demanding grubs. -@UtilityLimb % @Mobute creatures made of actual mud misinterpret racist remarks, rise up+attack. war last an hour be4 they dry up+die out. bit of a letdown -@UtilityLimb % For Whom the Battletoads -@UtilityLimb % mycobaby migration. diaper spore diaspora. #nightmarenappy #fungalgehenna -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair tonight i will be 5blogging you.*hands u a 5. u get excited, then realize its of no value here. a dead currency of an ancient lol* -@UtilityLimb % every #SNL skit so far parody same unknown event involving crying,vomiting millipedes.audience also cry,vomit millipedes. host: an urn -@UtilityLimb % military man open HUGE crate, discover predator…LOANS?! "what the-" *camera cut2robotically incinerated american lowerclass* #shippingmixups -@UtilityLimb % man operating medical waste incinerator in mastectomy ward was saying boob urns -@UtilityLimb % @brendlewhat homer: mmmm.... dessert of the real... -@UtilityLimb % RT @hoobastank_band: face all scraped up + goopy. dumpster diving not actual Real Thing. maybe if theres soft trashes. YMMV -@UtilityLimb % foolish contestant question rules of nickelodeon GUTS, carted off to AGGRO GULAG -@UtilityLimb % @hoobastank_band haha thanks dude, youve been owning at your twitter comeback -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair a similar fate awaited those that were successfully pressured into smoking the weed slime by Narc Summers on Double D.A.R.E -@UtilityLimb % ancient netbook has secret power2alter reality thru wikivandalism. regret finding this out by turning mathteacher in2violent 600ft fartyturd -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit thankYOU! have fun on sprezzatura adventure lots of unintentional hilarious forums w/useful sartorial info. attracts a creepy crowd -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair no one cares about 3rd world child labor because double dare convinced us that kids love being submerged in slime for money -@UtilityLimb % i need some kind of music project to do for fun that i dont have2 obsess over the outcome of like i do w/my actual music. SUGGESTS WELCOMe -@UtilityLimb % @AGentleBrees lot of things+cant stick w/1 thing. all i have up right now is that graeydaeve song which is hyperdrama normly i do fun thigns -@UtilityLimb % RT @choadmalma: I wish in Resident Evil 1 Whesker was called Whiskers and it was a cat with sunglasses that everyone treated like a real ... -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit for a very different reason i love hearing harry partch talk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWr_MOVIvj4 -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit he own.grumpygay railhobo travel US,transcribe speechmelody in2microtone song+collect debris2build instruments that look like altars -@UtilityLimb % RT @extranapkins: Told my dog he could have a handful of pretzels, he was excited until he noticed he doesn't have any hands! Ha ha. He' ... -@UtilityLimb % 'please RT if we friends'? ok :) *siren go off let all know im BIG IDIOT who clicka traptweet* *snared&pelted w/ figs* *forced 2 eatabug* -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit haruspicy determine this human mother womb contain horse, lyle, a haruhi spic -@UtilityLimb % baby wolf gogy -@UtilityLimb % political signs allova place here4guy name CRESPO. i laugh! try to explain2companions but they dont laugh. probly cant hear me inside cocoon -@UtilityLimb % @hoobastank_band lol is this from something -@UtilityLimb % @hoobastank_band lmao c/p: This scene is dedicated to Amazon.com, the largest Internet bookseller in the world. Amazon is amazing -@UtilityLimb % .@acaringgirl no musk at ground zero? in your dreams, gramps! #pitboys #fartwa -@UtilityLimb % i liked defunct penguin waddling off2 lonely end. whats good next herzog movie to see so far i seen that1, stroszek, my son my son, grizzly -@UtilityLimb % @leh0n qu'ran lagann -@UtilityLimb % @arby_crash @fielddayfits @notwritten @admiral_baby thank you! aguirre first then -@UtilityLimb % hey @medassureservic medicalwaste disposal co who follow me:do u charge dif price4dif species?messy mishap.hard2tell what man&what centipede -@UtilityLimb % too bored to read what seems to be another headline about tcot trolls u ignore the warning step outside only 2b disintegrated by beam-dogs -@UtilityLimb % CAN WE ALL AGREE ABOUT APPLES?? (TASTY) #tlot #tcot -@UtilityLimb % @Wood_Thrush haha yeah every time i try to tweet something im met with a big red -118 or so and feel kinda dumb -@UtilityLimb % build YOUR new world order just how YOU want it, at Bild-a-berg! -@UtilityLimb % @mekkanare do not want to upset fatbirdman :( -@UtilityLimb % hey girl lemme see ur boobs *sudden ancestral memory surges of the protoboob. jellybreast splits in binary fission to form first rack* -@UtilityLimb % tumblr? i hardly know her (outside the idealized fantasy personality i project on her because we have similar artsy interests she RTs me) -@UtilityLimb % @eggo_addict the apple schism: which cider you on -@UtilityLimb % archaeologists make terrifying discovery: fossils of animate vicious medical equipment, proof of ancient hunter-catheter society -@UtilityLimb % The Failer Who Fell from Grace with the /B/ -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair do it! allah will forgive any sin - except shrek -@UtilityLimb % snakedread prez lithify hard workin' taxpayers... pile bodies to build obamacairns... powers obtained as youth at radical islamic medusa... -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair i wish i was a lion of allah / i spit on the kabbalah -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair wish i had a girl in a hood by the kaaba -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair hahaha theres too many good islam jokes but no one to get them (was proud of my shrek/shirk joke that fell on deaf ears) -@UtilityLimb % *collects rib, eye, ring, heart, and nail of saddam* WHAT A HORRIBLE NIGHT TO GAS THE KURDS -@UtilityLimb % @acaringgirl woah... johnny five mambos cameo in fallout: lou begas! -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit google search after making that joke revealed 10 people already came up with fallout lou bega :( but zybourne angle is all bandit!! -@UtilityLimb % My Bloody Clementine #veggiebands *RED LIGHT FLASH* *KLAXON HOWL* intercom booms: BI BANDIT NOT KNOW DIFFERENCE BETWEEN VEGETABLE AND FRUIT -@UtilityLimb % @Wood_Thrush zybourne clock existed before a coterie of fellow creatives existed to manifest it #watchmaker #yobweh -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit its ok to decorate ones surroundings, its ok to decorate oneself. dont worry bout initial bad purchases thats how it goes at first! -@UtilityLimb % wikileak publish secret surprise USA b-day party docs. it was gonna be really nice. make USA feel good. now it all ruined. thanks a lot. -@UtilityLimb % @babywolfpupy ilu wolf dogy! -@UtilityLimb % @pyriphlegethon society brands you a criminal if you dare defy their sexual dichotomy. also if you commit banditry. -@UtilityLimb % great i open up my wallet and its full of blood!! the blood fiat ruin all my trousers :( why did i vote for The Fanged One -@UtilityLimb % cool way to come up with names in your fiction: cherrypick syllables from your artistic inspirations! try it with ozZY osBOURNE -@UtilityLimb % maybe everyone already figured that one out but its new to me so w/e -@UtilityLimb % Just generated a #TweetCloud, my top words are: [FORBIDDEN], [FORBIDDEN], [FORBIDDEN] - sigil://Ħƕʡ/ѬѨ (http://i56.tinypic.com/jsp0rt.png) -@UtilityLimb % oh my god... ANIME is about to get HOTTER! *five minutes go by nothing happen* .... false alarm... im really sory... -@UtilityLimb % @Wood_Thrush thank you what a helpful bird……!! -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit lmao -@UtilityLimb % @AGentleBrees 1) GREET PUMPKIN (REQ CHA: 8)2) DISPEL PUMPKIN (REQ GOURDOMANCY: 60) 3) CARVE BANKSY STENCIL (REQ AUTHORITY OPINION: FUCK U) -@UtilityLimb % what has two thumbs and isnt pointing to himself? *thumbs hover listless, unpointingly. question remain unanswered. an ice age pause occurs* -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit ive always wanted to make a weird radio-drama w/ sound fx music. obv in podcast form, since this is the future. -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit i feel that way always. unrelated: read that napoleon nova story and lol also it'd work well for that -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit you have an email, ... ! -@UtilityLimb % @skipscrivener you son of a crap -@UtilityLimb % .@brendlewhat well SOME OF US care about mexican trick-or-treaters *gestures to candy bowl filled with jawbtakers* -@UtilityLimb % oh, another false dichotomy that turns a blind eye to the shades of gray? nice try, society, but the bi bandit shan't be voting. -@UtilityLimb % *struggles futilely in mass of vines* cool write-in vote a big mistake. did not know there was real guy named goku (kudzu party) -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin bone party gain 78 seats!! news man say they gonna take our bones?? "NO," scream Rep. Pillar Of Skulls (B-NY) "GOT ENOUGH BONE." -@UtilityLimb % @virgiltexas now you just need a beer, a cigar, and five aces -@UtilityLimb % The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of thier dreams-a guys senior quote in my HS yrbook who then fucked a 12y.o.&went2jail -@UtilityLimb % mcrib is back? oh uh…cool……hm? no im fine…its just…ah nevermind…*stares at pocket timer showing 4+ years since last sexy benny benassi vid* -@UtilityLimb % @eggo_addict i appreciate sacrifice you made. feel to good to see my name on computer screen. -@UtilityLimb % sound of ribcage opening, sound of endless clowns exiting clown car (which is somehow aurally discernible) #badthingstohearinsurgery -@UtilityLimb % @Mobute haha thank for printing joke i made on aim though it was the one of which im most embarassed. next time i give you real joke. -@UtilityLimb % "u just reached*sunglasses*the statue of limitations YEAA"- stone figure that was neither existent nor blocking only arbys exit a minute ago -@UtilityLimb % can grok a lot bout life from garfield symbology: mondays (sadness) infinite&unyielding, lasagna (joy) limited&dwindling #RedditQuotesFriday -@UtilityLimb % @Wood_Thrush lol @ your often-failed struggle to [indecipherable heap of letters and symbols listing all abilities of a functional human] -@UtilityLimb % Steamly punk Buck Mulligan came from the airship wearing a bowler helmet on which a laser and a gear were embossed. #NaNoWriMoOpeners -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin that was the OLD bible... *hands you 2k11 netbible feat. Christ the Retweeter opened to John 4:Loko* -@UtilityLimb % k, guess we made all possible jokes about that bev'. lets take a furloughko. -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair FUR LOKO / FURHERLOKO / LEGO TC LOKO / GILBERT GOTTFRIED TAUGHT LESSON IN COMPASSION WHEN SHAMAN TURN HIM IN2 SLIME MOULD FOR 1DAY -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair stephen king is intruder audibly collapsing into craft service table after 8th tranquilizer dart in background of commentary track -@UtilityLimb % pee wee: "you say secret word." it flash. screaming. now silence. pee wee slither away through sewer grate. another spire appear on horizon. -@UtilityLimb % .@hoobastank_band lol nice "deep" V *walks away as own v-neck plunges abyssal carving trench into street exposing ancient cistern beneath* -@UtilityLimb % @john_dracula attn slsk user "david tibette": u a girl? *takes blurry pic hiding fact that im a shirt+pants filled w/ 5000 hivemind earwigs* -@UtilityLimb % @eggo_addict @john_dracula "the dick ants got worse :(" - john ball ants -@UtilityLimb % @babywolfpupy the wolf name is wolfpupy? i been calling him *says forbidden name, incurs dog god wrath that ruin village popsicle harvest* -@UtilityLimb % #boringprequels the 80-something years before the dissolution of your consciousness into the waiting void -@UtilityLimb % is there a dating site that lets you mix&match parts of different peoples profiles to assemble a person you'd actually want to talk to -@UtilityLimb % @john_dracula unrelated are you ferrinus or did i just imagine that and instead youre just mystery person who was funny right out the gate -@UtilityLimb % @john_dracula weird i thought you him. oh well you are also funny! -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin maybe... i'm ferrinus AND bibandit?! no, im not. sentient spore clouds cant have multiple personality disorder (hollywood myth) -@UtilityLimb % @mydxmproblem @pyriphlegethon please do not laugh at my medical condition (abominitis) -@UtilityLimb % @Ingwit "you need some tri-sigh-click antidepressants!" - words on funny t-shirt that has no arm or head holes and is binding me in darkness -@UtilityLimb % nasa find virus engineered by pluto. turn body into fallen planet. pluto: "all must know shame of scorned moon. you brought this on selves." -@UtilityLimb % he's finally here!!!!! #ff @barnaclejim -@UtilityLimb % C-SPAN Begins #boringmovies -@UtilityLimb % Philosophy Major Payne #boringmovies -@UtilityLimb % Cisformers #boringmovies -@UtilityLimb % McSweeney Todd #boringmovies -@UtilityLimb % @AGentleBrees comes from back of my head! 2face noggin swivel like janus, front is girl mode but hidden boy mode rude&ready for neocon blood -@UtilityLimb % @j_chastain @agentlebrees <-- i agree with the wind but am unable to RT or grasp it. may my descendants destroy it in their gridlike future. -@UtilityLimb % sick damned crones they take my bones, blood-worms forever hurt me #sinisteraphorisms -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin you'r good at funnytags -@UtilityLimb % o'coil rules! o'coil rules! o'coil ru-*slips on banana peel and topples over banister* #johnbalancelastwords -@UtilityLimb % no, my speedruns are NOT tool-assisted... but my heart is. *flips off ex-gf's facebook wall as Ænima repeats for the 4th time* -@UtilityLimb % Ian Curtis was found dead in his home with Iggy Pop on his turntable, Stroszek in his VCR, and "slint amv" in his Youtube search bar. -@UtilityLimb % wake up in the morning feelin like a giant oak tree / got 20 gnarled limbs and theres crows perched all over me -@UtilityLimb % not fallin for that abyssal apparel trick again. glowing girl in purple leggings just bait dangling off deep sea dov charneyfish forehead. -@UtilityLimb % @Wood_Thrush dov charney is a greasy reviled weirdo known for degrading&sexually harassing girls half his age *goes on to make obvious joke* -@UtilityLimb % @AGentleBrees same thing happen to me with a @degg post once, probably explain why all my childhood memories involve barnacle jim penis. -@UtilityLimb % GIVE ME FUEL GIVE ME FIRE GIVE ME ANIME DESIRES -@UtilityLimb % SO YOU FINALLY KILLED YOURSELF???? // RT @Wood_Thrush Mosty Spooky Oinks… homage to the legend. -@UtilityLimb % dark ip addy override mod privs STOP every day update list of nonfictional anime chars resembling pyramids STOP anime reality imminent STOP -@UtilityLimb % er'ic cart'man: erotic cartilage man. "stop doing that er'ic cart'man voice. i am trying to forget. i can not forget." #lessercontractions -@UtilityLimb % you shut your mouth / how can you say / my yearbook photo can't be anime -@UtilityLimb % @mydxmproblem i am the son / and the heir / of a stepdad that is criminal and vulgar / he said my cool green hair / is not very spectacular -@UtilityLimb % here beneath the floorboards, in a mass grave of spent twitterforms lays ingwit. no, girl! put your ass away. not even that can wake him now -@UtilityLimb % i risk life&limb (schoolnight net blackout) to tweet in solidarity yet you wont march on my stepdad? enjoy your freedom egypt. it wont last. -@UtilityLimb % I enjoy basking under my heat lamp on this rock. And that one. #BRENDLEGECKO -@UtilityLimb % see my last tweet was kinda a spoonerism. glenn beck changes to blenn geck which sounds l-*starts molting* no no NO not in public again!!!! -@UtilityLimb % @J_Chastain Male Gaze And Its Permeation Into This Level Where Mario Battles 3 Cutmans And 2 F-Zeros In The Mezzanine 'Twixt Sleep And Wake -@UtilityLimb % a skeleton... made entirely... of bones!! #rejectedominousevents -@UtilityLimb % you left this map out making me waste hours digging for uriel septims tank its just a tiny sewer level?! no gary ill show MYSELF the door. -@UtilityLimb % and the award for Guy Whose Name Is The Physical Act Of Being Forcibly Submerged In A Vat Of Eels goes toaaAAAAAAAAA [gurgling] [fanfare] -@UtilityLimb % @WeatherAsHell did i? where from -@UtilityLimb % "yo girl gimme some CORN WOES" - me, to hairdresser, immediately before a 3-hour corn bludgeoning left me paralyzed from neck down -@UtilityLimb % help @oscars tiny gold prize man mad w/ ravenous hunger. cant hide much longer. my greatest achievement in foley art now my worst nightmare. -@UtilityLimb % WELCOME, TRAVELER…TO THE MOST MADDENING OF ALL MY TWISTED REALMS... THE EGG TOMBS!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERES A TRAY LIKE THIS IN EVERY FRIDGE -@UtilityLimb % still crying+hyperventilating. will never do a prank drive-thru order again. how was i supposed to know McSpine is a real thing -@UtilityLimb % dracena trending... this is what we always feared... only sunlight/stakes can stop john cena now... -@UtilityLimb % where does the city end? where do i begin? there are no distinctions. all is pizza. i have no mouth and the roof of it is burned #pizzatown -@UtilityLimb % New rug art piece protesting "You're Not Allowed On The Couch" laws debuted by Barksy -@UtilityLimb % got a gut feeling i stole that joke from somewhere so if someone could let me know where that would just be great -@UtilityLimb % @ABigBagOfKeys oh so just because i am a white nerd who likes videogames+the internet i must know how to rap huh? EXTREMELY offensive.... -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin you guys played w/ custom cards and i missed it?? we need a yadpassword so room isnt full if i dont join within 1min of tweet :( -@UtilityLimb % in the movie speed the bus hit a baby carriage but only cans come out. how did the baby do that and what are his powers now -@UtilityLimb % yes i regret the holocaust remarks now but PLEASE understand i was under the impression ADL stood for Anime Defamation League -@UtilityLimb % DO NOT click "Microsoft Word speedrun(FUNNY)" vid! earths entire existence past+FUTURE typed in 1m36s. foresight of the end times unbearable -@UtilityLimb % RT @rap_ebooks Descending the staircase behind the crisper drawer, Tupac found himself in a much larger fridge. "I have been here in dreams, -@UtilityLimb % @J_Chastain thank you for MK: the comic that make me 2nd guess all my jokes wondering if i stole them from MK or from a dream about MK -@UtilityLimb % @brendlewhat Ha, what ISN'T "up" about gas prices!! 2 minutes ago via Self Contained Pod Filled W/ Stimuli Slime in reply to brendlewhat -@UtilityLimb % My Leatherman® can fix it! [naked man flops onto floor. thick leathery skin has overgrown his body, binding his mouth&limbs. he is weeping] -@UtilityLimb % RT @spider_ebooks Clearly, one (1) ton of spiders proves a sounder investment than its weight in gold, at least in terms of parental discipl -@UtilityLimb % yes terry our job IS just to make them but shouldn't we tell someone about this order for 6,000,000,000 "BONESLAVE" novelty license plates? -@UtilityLimb % @Orbicularis thank you! though keep in mind my dietary restriction tags: Raw, Gluten-Free, Local, Chitin-Based -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin ohhh you wanted crab legs TO EAT! look i threw out your old ones but calm down youll get the hang of walking on these in no time -@UtilityLimb % Powerman 5000 is a weird name but a great endocrinologist -@UtilityLimb % CENTER OF HUGE CADMIUM DEPOSIT, Subterra (AP) - DIEBOLD PLEDGES TO DELIVER 2012 ELECTION TO ALL 5000 POWERMANS. POWERMEn. -@UtilityLimb % Full House Reboot: The Tanners are played by wasp nests and the set doors are locked. Filmed in front of a live studio audience #sitcomideas -@UtilityLimb % MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU TSUNAMI. ONE DAY WE WILL DESTROY THIS HORRIBLE SPHERE. *PLUMMETS TO EARTH CREATING HUGE CRATER + UNBELIEVABLE DEATH* -@UtilityLimb % *flails utility limb, mashing all 17 buttons on my communications implant* [17 voices yell in unison]: THIS EVENT MAKE YOU THINK. 2012=REAL? -@UtilityLimb % the jet black 800-foot walls lined with unknown skulls depress me too honey but we both agreed WAR CUBE was the best house we could afford -@UtilityLimb % @graeyalien in a Just World john balance+davey tibet would fly around on a cool pyramid singing your tweets 24/7 (netcast) -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin thanks i was secretly quite proud of it :] *daps you w/ utility limb, getting vines and rotten bird eggs all over your hand* -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair Next Week On Prairie Home Companion I Get Arrested When Garrison Keillor Doesn't Appreciate My Monster Killers Dreamcatcher, Arson -@UtilityLimb % @mydxmproblem Genesis P Orridge renames you "Dhann Not-Killed-In-World's-Most-Gruesome-Fishhook-Accident" #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % @Harass_Grandpa and now you know why it was so sad how Peter "Sleepy" Christopherson died :( -@UtilityLimb % one touch two touch bad touch wood thrush #higherstakeschildrensbooks -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin the old man and the sea -> the old man ate the sea | horseback riding -> horse's back, writhing | a full moon --> awful moon -@UtilityLimb % hidden warp pipe in simpsons dvd menu take me to the negative seasons!! can tell theyre super funny even tho i dont speak sumerian -@UtilityLimb % the average person eats three spiders a year, but as you're about to find out, it takes an entire year for three spiders to eat a person -@UtilityLimb % @brendlewhat Mentally you picture Nate Dogg, but I have not told you the type of Dogg which I have. Perhaps you even picture Warren G -@UtilityLimb % FEED ME ORE #threewordstoliveby -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin thats been my fav picture for many years :] -@UtilityLimb % YouTube - A Guy Take A Pic Of His Face Every Day For 10,000 Years And At The End He Look Like Your New Owl. Hey Where'd You Buy An Owl? -@UtilityLimb % FUCKING SICK OF HOSpital staff&police ignorance toward experimental music. here in SOVIET OHIO circuit bending a ventilator = manslaughter.. -@UtilityLimb % 83 polaroids of me getting ejected from dif. Arbys for wearing The Bug Diaper. for the next 17, the future is yet unwritten…#100factsaboutme -@UtilityLimb % ohhh i thought you said to rent THE WEBDINGS SINGER!! *huge bomb and pointing-finger symbols fly out of adam sandlers mouth, killing 1000s* -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair you could say... Love Will Chair Us Apart *tightens noose and kicks chair out from under myself...twice* -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair when is ian curtis going to california? *horns.aiff plays but last note rises until its loud+high enough to shatter my glasses* -@UtilityLimb % "My hands are registered as Lethal Weapons" - VHS golem guarding entrance to Blockbuster ruins 2046ad -@UtilityLimb % cut out all cereal mascots open mouths formed them into gate. unprepared for the Milk Zone within. bones soggy, dissolving. this is my end -@UtilityLimb % celeb tabloids only reporting which famous mountains are eating too much expanding rapidly. AP reporting it too #ominousevents -@UtilityLimb % please hurry @favstar. need to know who likes my tweets about the absurd fever dream that is modern man's perception of value+fulfillment -@UtilityLimb % Keep horking, I'm revolting -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin i have lots of skin!! i keep it in my basement -@UtilityLimb % @OFFICIALpizza thank you but it'd lose its pizazz if my forearm read "667" -@UtilityLimb % What Did Taco PLay At Carnival? Guac-A-Mole! for more joke see my fake celeb twitter here inside screeching cave that emanate snake shadows -@UtilityLimb % turns out this mystery porn where you have to unravel how&why its porn is not porn at all. planetarium staff bein real jerks about it too :/ -@UtilityLimb % "Enjoy the laughs, Cosmo. For they shall be... your last!" said Dark Kramer as he placed the klan hood on the voodoo doll -@UtilityLimb % last entry in tattered, bloodstained antiquing blog: ALL AROUND US NOW. MORE CRESTING HORIZON. "ANCIENT HAIR LOOMS" SIGN NOT MISSPELLED -@UtilityLimb % "I shall face my demons on the Battlescape of the mind" said Kramer as he charged up did Cosmo Power Slide through The Doors of Perception -@UtilityLimb % each sphere of BurritoGeist techniques is powered by its corresponding SauceGem (Mild/Hot/Fire), which you can find- hm? no i dont work here -@UtilityLimb % criminals dont care when pelted w/ hungry ratties. shoulda come up w/ hero power idea 1st ¬ based it all on "MICE TO EAT YOU" catchphrase -@UtilityLimb % Dog just poop again! Facebook not only thing that need DISLIKE BUTTON! *lifts shirt to reveal huge smiley-shaped wound that keeps winking* -@UtilityLimb % netfame a double edged sword. all my fav romhacks retweeting me but also rearranging my inside levels (breathing/digesting impossibly hard) -@UtilityLimb % it was over the fucking line to say my cat is "The Bud Light of Cats" -@UtilityLimb % should've actually read Criterion Cat Weekly before submitting my cat for review. 100+ pages comparing cat vital fluids to the taste of wine -@UtilityLimb % i have journeyed beyond the limits of human consciousness but wu-tang chambers 28 through 36 are mostly empty with lots of missing textures -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair >use HANGAR on STOVE for LIKE 1800 SECONDS -@UtilityLimb % Wu-Tang Chamber #1 (Tunnels) -@UtilityLimb % dog knows CPR but won't give it to you #newstereotypes -@UtilityLimb % a red-tusked teether! a cloven-hoofed crawler! a scaly-diapered screecher! how many more extinct species of baby live on this weird island?! -@UtilityLimb % Insaneclownpossea Brown and the Case of the Employment-Hindering Tattoo -@UtilityLimb % @J_Chastain here in dreary futurescape of TERRORWOLF'S 8-PHONELINE BBS we spend our entire lives inside 100' cubes -@UtilityLimb % take my cool ghostface killah. i don't have any nugs. -@UtilityLimb % Factual Errors: Gender reassignment surgery can not be performed on a car bomb to disarm it. -@UtilityLimb % "IF INGESTED CONTACT POISON CONTROL IMMEDIATELY" ahahaha nice try, bleach warning label, but i know what today is ;) -@UtilityLimb % COOL FOOL PRANK: label 3 pigs '1' '2' and '4' and be so physically repulsive even your family peers just assume you're '3' -@UtilityLimb % @MikesRadTwites PRANK: label three final fantasies 4, 6, and 7. now watch a bunch of moron gaijins not know you had to import FF5 -@UtilityLimb % label 3 pigs Eender, Fender, Hender and watch the heteronormatives scramble to find what doesn't exist -@UtilityLimb % APRIL FOOLS DAY HAS BEEN OVER FOR 13 AGONIZING HOURS NOW PLEASE LET ME BACK INTO THE CHASING AMY WEBRING!!!! -@UtilityLimb % build a south korea south of your school. now the teachers and bullies are in north korea suffering horrible famine. #lifehacks -@UtilityLimb % GREAT b-day haul!! got a ring with my birthstone (opal) a network of sectors + zones filled with my birthgas (nerve) -@UtilityLimb % .@tacobell lost for 6 days now in floors 70-80 of Taco Tower Value Meal. not even any food in here. just traps. why do you sell this -@UtilityLimb % Hail To The Chimp 2: Shale To The Chimp not a kids movie at all!! they beat crush chimp with rocks for 2hrs!! PLEASE someone help chimp :( -@UtilityLimb % hmm... seems your HMO will cover the basic ultrasound but you'll have to pay out-of-pocket for bloom fx rag doll baby physics -@UtilityLimb % for 3 years now everyone's old friendster pages have been posting in languages no one speaks on pictures of us in places we've never been -@UtilityLimb % not only did my school think i was human when really i was otherkin (sonic born in man body), but that i was obese when really #iwasthinkin -@UtilityLimb % "no one man should have all matt lauer" but i do&all 60 lauer cards in my today show magic the gathering deck are dominating this lunchtable -@UtilityLimb % @Wood_Thrush you laugh because i'm different. i don't laugh and am respectfully silent. let's end cyberbullying make the net a better place. -@UtilityLimb % that's gay as hell dude... [later, in hospital burn ward]: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I KNEW THERE WAS AN EXTREMELY POWERFUL BEING NAMED "HELL DUDE" -@UtilityLimb % In. Four Point One Miles. Turn Right. At. East Main Strrrzzｚzkｋssｓsｓｓｓ ＩＮ ＯＮＥ ＰＯＩＮＴ ＳＳＳＳＥＶＥＮ ＭＩＬＥＳＳＳ ＴＵＲＮ ＬＥＦＴ ＩＮＴＯ ＧＩＡＮＴ ＭＥＴＡＬ ＳＳＳＳＮＡＫＥ ＭＡＷ -@UtilityLimb % Steam Bullying -@UtilityLimb % i know it's nerdy to use hashtags outside of twitter but i felt it was important to mention #BeybladeManslaughterRegrets during my trial -@UtilityLimb % it's a jump to conclusions cliff! with CONCLUSIONS you can JUMP TO [winding river in valley below spells out "my fansub empire has fallen"] -@UtilityLimb % ~♥♥♥~ GRANDMA LOVES HER SPECIAL GRANDSON ~♥♥♥~ BUT NEEDS HER PILLS TO LIVE ~♥♥♥~ PLEASE UN-"ROMHACK" THE MEDICINE CABINET ~♥♥♥~ -@UtilityLimb % disparity between "net weight" and "gross weight" observed during first encounter with girl from net -@UtilityLimb % we woke up one morning and fell a little further down, for sure it's the valley of death. i open up my wallet and it's full of spring snakes -@UtilityLimb % i meant "score touchdowns with good passes" when i said "destroy their team with perfect spirals" but those vortexes are cool too, MATHSKULL -@UtilityLimb % the best thing about working here is the gigantic arm on the roof that picks up lesser buildings and throws them into the sea -@UtilityLimb % The system goes online Aug. 4th, 1997. Human contact is removed from system interaction. Shynet begins to edit wikipedia at a geometric rate -@UtilityLimb % free-spirited baby builds solar-powered diaper-changer and lives "off the crib" -@UtilityLimb % putting cool gothic steeples everywhere was my trademark as an architect and i'll be damned if i change that now that i'm a plastic surgeon -@UtilityLimb % that's reverse racism *guy driving racism truck puts it in reverse and backs over me and the other whites helping to push it out of a ditch* -@UtilityLimb % STOP pouring out muscle milk 40s to honor your fallen bros!! curb outside the gym dangerously swole and veiny, impossible to navigate -@UtilityLimb % Can't believe the hateful ignorance at this Osama death party. I'm not a "baby" bald eagle. The diaper isn't part of the costume. -@UtilityLimb % australia's distinctive kidney-like shape inspired the british to use it as a renal colony -@UtilityLimb % you ever see the back of a dungeon master's guide... ON MEAD?! #BadInvites -@UtilityLimb % yes you "put the MOTH back in MOTHER'S DAY" but please take it back out!! sunlight unable to penetrate the mothosphere. our crops are dying -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin *ties rope coming out of my pants to rocket* for centuries, man could only dream of murdering his balls into the castratosphere… -@UtilityLimb % DOGS--- They call me 3 Wise Men 'cause I brought treats and keep asking who's the Good Boy :] -@UtilityLimb % SLOW DOWN!! that's an unmarked cop, see the spotlight growing out his neck? [cop starts screaming while his eyes spin flash red/blue] FUCK -@UtilityLimb % oh COOL! turns out that meter is the crib's limit break bar! kinda wish i hadn't found that out when my son was in it tho. grieving real bad -@UtilityLimb % nice Q4 expense report... faggot *loads up presentation featuring Excel 2k'11 Exclusive Pre-Order DLC Data Column (Skin: NightFax)* -@UtilityLimb % that pronunciation book guy is starting to creep me out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdYlmamudFo -@UtilityLimb % hey what's a slug's least favorite music? SALTernative! [muffled laughter is heard from dimebag's "grave"] hahah i KNEW you were faking it -@UtilityLimb % bURY ME RIGHT-SIDE-UP WHEN I DIE SO THE FUCKED UP HOLLOW EARTH WORLD THAT I CAN PROVE EXISTS (SEE MY TUMBLR) CAN KISS MY ASS -@UtilityLimb % Brutalism Is My Favorite Architectural Style And Also Dog Petting Technique -@UtilityLimb % after learning that my definition of a "hipster" was entirely wrong, i have renamed my blog accordingly: www.LookAtThisFuckingSaltMarsh.com -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin my legs are so skinny, i egret that i got addicted to heron :( -@UtilityLimb % ha ha ha i'm the mayor and i spent NIGHT CITY's entire budget on fog machines! yeah try to impeach me *vanishes into dark smoky alley AGAIN* -@UtilityLimb % While his daughter remained unaffected by the years of abuse, her stick figure likeness on the back of Dorian Gray's SUV did not... -@UtilityLimb % EASTER EGG: drag the google street view dude onto a pic of a sleeping friend to enter his dream explore his deepest fears in full panorama -@UtilityLimb % i am back but do not wish to discuss what i found in the vine-covered ruins of the worlds largest hummer limo (500 feet wide / 9 miles deep) -@UtilityLimb % titanic bro wrecked by natty iceberg -@UtilityLimb % "this is DOPE dude but its more of a ManAbyss than a ManCave, y'know?" - me, plummeting watching the game on a 78" tv (also plummeting) -@UtilityLimb % A screaming deep in the mouth tunnels. Teeth Miner's pickax dislodges a vein of enamel ore. A swarm of tongues fails to defend their hive. -@UtilityLimb % all cars with rear-view cameras make youtube accounts and subscribe to each other, liking any video where the car backs over a dog or child -@UtilityLimb % #askobama whats the opposite of pareidolia how do i stop the faceless ones from screaming "AN ENERGY DRINK… FOR YOUR IPHONE!!" over over -@UtilityLimb % installed TrapOS on my netbook and now half my folders just have a skull gif inside that gives me a severe electric shock upon loading -@UtilityLimb % man blogs the merits of "Living Off The Grid" while living off McRib -@UtilityLimb % "DEVOURED BY THE INFINITE SNAKE" not a very good death sentence. been following the body for miles now and still haven't found the mouth -@UtilityLimb % Heather Levine and 6 other's friends just posted cries for help in Facebook Darkened Place! Do not try to aid them. -@UtilityLimb % the sign reads: "YOU CROSSING". you run over a small car driven by a small you. a huge you crushes you in its huge car. #ominousstreetsigns -@UtilityLimb % We had time to regret bombing Casual Male XL into a million pieces, it took days for the million Casual Male XXXXXXSs to eat us cell by cell -@UtilityLimb % "Give back Bandit's gold medal, he did not use performance-enhancing bugs" - the Olympic Tweet Committee, as I held them captive at bugpoint -@UtilityLimb % man i know he says Dark Dog is the one leaving the turds everywhere but i am like 90% certain Dark Dog isn't real and Regular Dog is lying -@UtilityLimb % I DID NOT KNOW @HugeCgiFaceFromThatBoneThugsNHarmonyVid WAS A VERIFIED ACCOUNT WHEN I OFFERED IT $6 TO APPEAR ON MY WALLS EAT MY FURNITURE -@UtilityLimb % 148 friends just liked every one of your facebook photos where you can see into your ear. their profile pictures are all earwigs. -@UtilityLimb % closer inspection reveals club full of bros in affliction shirts just club full of bros in regular shirts being eaten by winged skulls -@UtilityLimb % thankful for @boyscouts work lowering homeless rate by 98% but still waiting for explanation regarding new "BONE SMELTING" merit badges -@UtilityLimb % gucci in the kaaba chanting all 99 manes of gucci -@UtilityLimb % SEXT: fired from guard job at ooze factory when 3 stacked slime blobs posing as man in hat+trenchcoat trick me eat all the company ooze :( -@UtilityLimb % @Arr seattle space needle waitstaff watching me die of starvation but refusing to stop serving burgers impaled atop impossibly tall spires -@UtilityLimb % Ecto-Cooler fondly remembered by Uncool Endomorph -@UtilityLimb % dude accusing me of argumentum ad hominem quickly silenced when i lift my shirt and commit argumentum ab perfectum -@UtilityLimb % at a starting line. no blood drawn, just poured into moaning race cars made of pulsing muscles+veins. this BLOOD DRIVE not what i expected -@UtilityLimb % netflix will mail you ducks w/ QWAKSTER :D *tweet accidentally uncovers huge underground duck smuggling operation. im found beaked to death* -@UtilityLimb % all 100,000 youtubes recording the sudden weird slurpy/oozing sound outside taken down due to dmca complaint by CONGLOMERATED LEECHES CORP. -@UtilityLimb % "ugh, there arent murders in my backyard. its like a woodshed" - me, EVERY FUCKING TIME i tell someone theyre being taken to The Blood Shed -@UtilityLimb % Ingredients: aqua (water, eau), stearic acid, glycerin, ♰♰♰ WIT©H H▲ZEL ♰♰♰, lavender extract, -@UtilityLimb % .@McDonaldsCorp refusing to supersize shows up on receipt as "[EVIL DIALOG OPTION]"? now im hissing+slithering uncontrollably whats going on -@UtilityLimb % Amendment 69: Keep track so we don't accidentally make an amendment 69 until we come up with something sick as hell for it #FailedAmendments -@UtilityLimb % trickle-down economics is what happens when you put the invisible hand of the sleeping market in some warm water -@UtilityLimb % @brendlewhat "Why Is Obama Regulating The Market When He Can't Even Keep Me Regular" Asks Constipated Elderly Man -@UtilityLimb % Mario and Sonic just decimate my ass hole classmates in what I call a "pROM Hack" #TerriblePromThemes -@UtilityLimb % @J_Chastain the last 20 weird al singles were all called "I WANT A NEW BLOOD" so were his last 20 last meal requests (he keeps respawning) -@UtilityLimb % strange cult-like political cartoonist gang terrorizes the streets. my son and dog now labeled "KEYNESIAN DREAD" and "WELFARE TUNNELS" -@UtilityLimb % i'm not racist, but, *cranes neck to see if anyone's around. keeps craning. head unscrews entirely. out of the hole pour jewels mysteries* -@UtilityLimb % Putting the Post-Op back in Post-Apocalyptic #NaNoWriMoTaglines -@UtilityLimb % we don't know how long the dollar bill eye has been on top of the food pyramid. we just eat it as we're told (sparingly) -@UtilityLimb % i love this old school pixel art style! [scoops up eats the primordial ooze all life has reverted to] fuckin zelda man! [dies in volcano] -@UtilityLimb % some tweets get big favs but no RTs. why? [camera pans to dog in lab coat high up on a distant ledge. we're too far away to hear his answer] -@UtilityLimb % he descends with no snacks, just a miner's lamp and a pistol. hours later he limps out of the vending machine. it's fully restocked. -@UtilityLimb % siskels 2012 reviews just shit like YOULL LAUGH SO HARD YOU MURDER/FEEL GOOD MURDER OF THE SUMMER cant be deleted off IMDB or my voicemail -@UtilityLimb % Diaper Council, I must confess: the Diaper Pharaoh is a fake. I just ate the top leg bandages off a mummy. [No one boos. No one is there.] -@UtilityLimb % found 4 sectors deep inside netflix core: a 2006 eazy-e film that rips off "friday" except eazy's trapped alone in a mine. 82,000 minutes. -@UtilityLimb % front side of flyer: "HOW TO KEEP WALL STREET OCCUPIED" IN 72PT FONT | back: A LOT OF COOL ACTIVITIES (MAZES, PUZZLES, COLORING) + KIDS MENU -@UtilityLimb % THE KRUMPSTER ISNT A DUDE RENOWNED FOR KRUMPING BUT IN FACT A DUMPSTER FULL OF DEAD KRUMPERS - warning krumped in blood outside temple ruins -@UtilityLimb % BEST SELLING STOCK PHOTOS: [man crying, bugs by feet], [man crying, legs submerged in bugs], [man crying, up to neck in bugs], [just bugs] -@UtilityLimb % CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS inscribed on the Statue of Cleanliness. next to it: a statue bodyslamming the concept of disrespecting apps -@UtilityLimb % for each retweet we will donate one (1) DISCOMFORT SNAKE into @j_chastain's vital tubing next time he is this tardy updating monsterkillers -@UtilityLimb % smallest pixel grid on which a skull can be drawn is 5x4. largest is 15,000x12,000 (any larger and skull will overpower+consume its creator) -@UtilityLimb % girl… *taking off shirt* lemme show ya why it called HUMP day *camel humps grow all over my body. im a lumpy fleshball. i roll into a ditch* -@UtilityLimb % all new threadless tees got a pic of you wearing a shirt with the same pic on it. in each recursion you're 20 years older with 20 more teeth -@UtilityLimb % HONORING STEVE BY GETTING EJECTED FROM ARBYS FOR ILLEGALLY OPTIMIZING BURGERFLOW USING HYPERCARD. IVE HONORED HIM THIS WAY DAILY FOR 19YEARS -@UtilityLimb % real cookie monster is blue+fuzzy like on sesame street except IRL he's spread out over my old bread and causes BAD tummy ruckus when eaten -@UtilityLimb % a dog's nose is his doorbell, don't push it *DINGWOOF* dude what did i JUST SAY [hatch opens on top of dog. a smaller dog pops his head out] -@UtilityLimb % NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY IS ACTUALLY ABOUT ADMITTING HOMOSEXUALITY. CAN YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO THE OTHER MILLIPEDES COMING OUT MY SINUSES -@UtilityLimb % a weathered pentium. hollowed oak in desktop background hides a folder within. chatlogs of a young love. a lost love. a tragedy. a skull gif -@UtilityLimb % parrotfish can imitate voices perfectly but only things people say while drowning -@UtilityLimb % why does facebook keep recommending i add "THE STRANGER" and how does he keep tagging himself in my peripheral vision -@UtilityLimb % the worst file spill in history as DATA TANKER capsizes. thousands of hermit crabs found wearing CYBER CRIMES for shells. -@UtilityLimb % dude the 9 of dogs isn't a real card. even if it was, it'd be like, an actual card. you just drew a 9 on my dog. -@UtilityLimb % stop asking siri if it's genesises or geneses. there's no amount of segas you can bribe the cop with to get back your "CRIME DIAPERS" -@UtilityLimb % I'm not doubting that you're 1/8th Pond People, but this is a research paper. You can't cite "BOG WISDOM" -@UtilityLimb % nobody knows how horses learned bee ways. they down there in that sewer hive. makin that black honey that keeps leakin out our wall sockets. -@UtilityLimb % they say the neighbor kid got down there. saw the horse queen. cant even talk no more. just builds those horse effigies outta blood sausage. -@UtilityLimb % STOP RETWEETING YOUR CRYSTALS. I KNOW THEY'RE "STORING ENERGY." THAT'S ALL THEY EVER DO -@UtilityLimb % @fart do you think anyone ever saw a dude who invented is wearing HONEY HUGGIES combo beehive+diaper because thats me i need a ambulance -@UtilityLimb % the wind wolves howled warnings of big pizza. we thought it was about corporations. under the 'za canopy, our children don't remember sky. -@UtilityLimb % do you have any feng shui themes other than "CHASMS" or any installment plans other than "AGAINST YOUR WILL" -@UtilityLimb % [wakes up circled by flock of elderly in motorchairs bumping me as their text2speech units repeat 'NO'] yah LETS GO CAMPING great idea idiot -@UtilityLimb % how many more retweet you get when noun replaced with dog. how many more friend you get when self replaced with dog. #doggameshows #surgery -@UtilityLimb % Petroleum fucking sucks now. It was good back when it was underground but now it's mainstream garbage. -@UtilityLimb % sorry bandit not respond to @ tweets but he always read them check if youre a girl if your pic is in the first 600 pages of your tumblr -@UtilityLimb % Programming Skills: PRIMARILY RUBY AND PYTHON BUT I CAN USE ANY TYPE OF GEM TO CONTROL ANY TYPE OF SNAKE -@UtilityLimb % >>>FUNNY VID <<< >>>PLEASE CLICK<<< SHOWOFF DOG WALKING ON 2 LEGS DRAGGED INTO RIFT BY JEALOUS DOG WALKING ON 60 LEGS -@UtilityLimb % dude you need to change your password pronto. your monoliths have been dawning some weird-ass malware ages all day -@UtilityLimb % new crime race: gunkers | crime ability: gooping up sacred nooks crannies | allies: time, sediment | enemies: the trash-eaters, education -@UtilityLimb % Ep 758: MacGyver cyberbullies a collapsed mine shaft, freeing the miners. Ep 759: MacGyver cyberbullies a man's heart, resuscitating him. -@UtilityLimb % can you update this medic alert bracelet with my juggalo name (WICKED WHEELS) + juggalo health issues (SCARAPLEGIA, DIABETES TYPE 2 DOPE) -@UtilityLimb % Intro to 16th Century Juggaliterature -@UtilityLimb % I don't know which tweet of mine has the most retweets and I'm never crippled by the fear that I'll never top it #TweetLikeANormalPersonDay -@UtilityLimb % finally a movie just like the ones you loved as a kid: Two Hours of Confusion Frequently Interrupted by Authority Figures Covering Your Eyes -@UtilityLimb % that hospital gurney scene in Jacob's Ladder except you're going backwards chronologically through everything you've said on the internet -@UtilityLimb % SWAMP SQUAD actually a very ineffective crime crew :/ whole group is mired in bureaucracy + actual mire -@UtilityLimb % Do not risk traversing the ash. Come, we've networked every Hobby Lobby with a series of Hobby Tunnels in preparation for this very world. -@UtilityLimb % SELECT ELEMENTAL SPHERE: [FIR] [LIT] [ICE] //// YOU HAVE CHOSEN: [FIR] //// ABILITY: GROW PINE CONE //// WHY DID YOU PICK FIR -@UtilityLimb % SLIMECORP just unveiled 2034's DOPEST new birth defects! what a great time to be alive + exiled to the sprawling sewer maze beneath MEGACITY -@UtilityLimb % A sign depicting a shadowy abomination mauling a child. Beneath it is a warning not to greet any of the exhibits here at The Hater Zoo -@UtilityLimb % at the risk of sounding like ancient screeching machinery, [extends excavator arm sifts through applebees rubble, searching for artifacts] -@UtilityLimb % #RememberThe90s i do + desperately wish i was whatever young age you have to be to find enjoyment in 50,000 girls running artsy porn tumblrs -@UtilityLimb % wow! can't believe i found a place to buy a wolf pupy online! [opens huge box labeled WASP PUPAE] -@UtilityLimb % if you aren't CRIMEGOD, explain this [plays tape of defendant saying stuff like OH FOR CRIME OUT LOUD and THAT'S A CRIME SHAME] [jury gasps] -@UtilityLimb % Oakland PD illegally siding w/ Old Country Buffet RE: whose fault is it I got stuck between a sneeze guard the macaroni vat #OccupyOakland -@UtilityLimb % AUTHORITY has given you +F in Freedom Points for category: Obedience. For more info please open computer to visit GoverNet. The only website -@UtilityLimb % keep getting the same weird phone message from both the Healthy Diet Society and the Malevolent Beekeeper Society: "ARBY'S WILL KILL YOU" -@UtilityLimb % me? i called a roadside WEB DESIGN ad. got lost in touch tone menus so long i became one. press 1 for fax noise, 2 for the creaking of wood. -@UtilityLimb % cops chase a man into a TV showing the same episode of cops. bad boys plays, but i cant hear it. my dog is making that powerline sound again -@UtilityLimb % Oh My God The DJ Put My Dinner On The Turntable!! The Club Is Going Wild To This Electro House Meal!! Please Stop I Am Very Hungry!! -@UtilityLimb % contact solution instruction pics: [5000 tribals wash a huge lens] [it is an offering to SUN EYE] [SUN EYE's rays+tears nourish their crops] -@UtilityLimb % A satellite image of the desert that was once the Pacific. Dry ocean trenches spell out a message: IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THE BITCH FELL OFF -@UtilityLimb % horse ebooks everywhere now. no one can say anything but horsetweets. i beg them to stop, but i am ignored. they continue to build the tower -@UtilityLimb % halloween is the only day when it's socially acceptable for a girl to dress like a PIT FULL OF SPIDERS. DUDE TRUST ME IT'S A GIRL. GET IN IT -@UtilityLimb % HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN MY COSTUME? I'M THE FEELING OF DESPAIR WHEN SIMPSONS WAS OVER THE OPENING THEME OF COACH BEGAN TO PLAY -@UtilityLimb % no one at this party appreciates that i dressed up as myself :/ also they don't appreciate that i'm a deluge of eels -@UtilityLimb % "we dare not put it out," says the fireman, "its klout is much too high." a baby spambot retweets him, alerting a hungry owl to its presence -@UtilityLimb % most emotional halloween decoration 2011 was DEF that crystal ball that shows your ipods standing on a cliffside gazing out over the sea.... -@UtilityLimb % in retrospect, switching to a cavern-based society was good in that it eliminated cyberbullying but bad in that it introduced spiderbullying -@UtilityLimb % There I was, the first Libertarian President of bark bark damn it mom the dog stays outside this is my speech-to-text time #NaNoWriMoOpeners -@UtilityLimb % tonight: dogs. are they funny? or a crutch for the unoriginal? we ask bandit, a man who keeps a mental list of girls that like his twitter -@UtilityLimb % "It was the barks of times, it was the woofs of times #NaNoWriMo," I tweeted. The bait worked, the girls swooped in to retweet my dog joke -@UtilityLimb % WELCOME… TO MY SUBTERRARIUM LAIR [terrarium falls and shatters as couch cushion fort supporting it gives way] [all my turtles escape] NOoo!! -@UtilityLimb % Oakland PD violate the Geneva Convention as they hold signs saying THIS IS YOU play Zach de la Rocha's internal monologue over a bullhorn -@UtilityLimb % Steve "Third" Reich had been pummeling Philip in the exact same place for hours. It was the night of broken Glass. -@UtilityLimb % after some years, you start to intuit which landscapes self-identify as one of us. [rubs eroded cliff] yes… these are wicked clown badlands… -@UtilityLimb % It was always my favorite collective noun, but today "A Simulacra of Kreayshawns" became the holodeck setting I married… #NaNoWriMoOpeners -@UtilityLimb % craigslist > personals > men seeking women > IT'S COLD OUTSIDE BUT IT'S WARM IN MY COMPOST HEAP :] -@UtilityLimb % how do you get a twitter girl to ask for your pic and how do you photograph six miles of eel-infested coral so it looks like a cute boy -@UtilityLimb % .@klout can i set my profile to "joke mode" so it knows i only login "for a laugh" and won't tell everyone i visited klout 45 days in a row? -@UtilityLimb % ONE BIG .RAR, FULL OF DOG PICTURES -@UtilityLimb % "I guess you could say that I have a 'Type A' personality." - me, falling off a cliff, typing "AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" into a tweet -@UtilityLimb % remember the PSAs with NOTION CRIMINAL? lol did he ever get out of the punishment vats or is he still down there shrieking #RememberThe2060s -@UtilityLimb % Everybody Welcome Our Special Guest: Garfield! [sewer people limp out onto stage] Wow This Cat Love To Eat! [they beg for medicine+supplies] -@UtilityLimb % [steals idol from Tomb of Heavy D] [suddenly realizes it's the Tomb of Heavy Dimebag] [chased down corridor by boulder-sized Dimebag Darrel] -@UtilityLimb % RIP this dancefloor, killed by my 6 hour W.A.S.P. megamix -@UtilityLimb % slimy compost man crawl out my gutter and live on my couch. he still think hipster jokes really funny. he stuff my fridge full of muckleaves -@UtilityLimb % dude, you GOTTA see this GIF! [gif is you dying while watching the gif. you look up but im gone so is every exit leading out of applebees] -@UtilityLimb % a tribe of white girls roaming a blighted earth. every trace of life turned into a folk song cover and put on youtube. there is nothing left -@UtilityLimb % Mysteries, puzzles, queries and more afflicting people you follow. Bandit was perplexed by: The Moon. "do bird live there. can i live there" -@UtilityLimb % human body got 1 thousand secret muscles: inside neck, under bed, oozing out faucet, rising from pond. untapped power yearning for discovery -@UtilityLimb % "they aint gon bitecha. just gon goop around on ya lookin fer contraband" said the cop, pouring hundreds of drug sniffing snails into my car -@UtilityLimb % farfield just LOVES lasagna!! i think. i'm not really sure. *squints at far off orange dot that never gets closer no matter where you are* -@UtilityLimb % hidden passage under man cave leads to impossibly manlier cave. towering beastman with toilet pecs bars my entry to the pulsing musclescape. -@UtilityLimb % monday. the MURDERED bin is empty. the UNMURDERED bin is brimming with balls. i can not bring myself to pick up my hammer. i refresh favstar -@UtilityLimb % "our favorite food, band, and lie is cake" said the 5000 girls (wish 1) in my castle (wish 2), but i could not die (wish 3). fuck that genie -@UtilityLimb % RT @acharringgrill: @thebibandit hey i redit your avatar http://t.co/Ke9tclpW -@UtilityLimb % @acharringgrill that owns!! love your drawings. a game should exist of your strange minimal/"crude" landscape drawings http://t.co/vGfrFpru -@UtilityLimb % BIG SORRY to everyone hurt by my misconception of a "news aggregator"!! please call animal control if you see an alligator in a press hat -@UtilityLimb % >>RT<< if you're lost in an endless desert of those fenced-in power substation things. is anyone else alive. can i charge my phone on these. -@UtilityLimb % Thoughts Expressed Here Are NOT My Employer's! They're Mine Even Though I Can't Form Actual Thoughts Can Only Parrot Confusion Into A Void -@UtilityLimb % Great Deals On Photos From The Wedding You Went To 87 Years Ago! Buy 2 8x11s Get Free Rations + Gas Mask + Skull Granting Entry To Undercity -@UtilityLimb % @J_Chastain i still jump to grab the bread from the flying toaster. even if i can't reach. even if i can't remember when i still had a mouth -@UtilityLimb % NO CONNECTION BETWEEN MY ROOM-FOR-RENT NOT SHOWING UP ON GOOGLE MAPS THAT PILE OF BLOODY TORN OPEN GOOGLE MAPS CARS OUT FRONT. COME ON IN -@UtilityLimb % WARNING: do NOT join the pen15 club!! it is NOT what you think!! weird-ass bloodletting rituals not a damn dick in sight… -@UtilityLimb % so good to see him reintroduced to his natural habitat [jurassic park dino frolics + spits acid, chasing 100s of newmans thru a barren maze] -@UtilityLimb % first of all, "dine and ditch" means to eat and not pay. second, if the whole denny's fell in, what you dug is more of a canyon than a ditch -@UtilityLimb % STOP SHOWING ME PEPPER SPRAY COP!! SHIT'S GETTING OLD!! - me, in pentagon sub-sector 14, to the tour guide showing me 2 billion cloning pods -@UtilityLimb % waitin for another cool bandit joke? me too! its my only source of validation im at the whim of intangible creativity. pls RT. i need this -@UtilityLimb % Special Buy Nothing Day Sale!! Great Deals On: [ HOLES | VOIDS | SILENCE | NUMBNESS ] whisper coupon code "hello?" into a disconnected phone -@UtilityLimb % ignore my last tweet about "FEELIN' IRIE"… organ bank called the cops on me i guess irie is some rastafarian thing not the plural of iris. -@UtilityLimb % We do not make our cop riot gear look like "batman suits w/ fake muscles." We harvest REAL muscle from vat-grown steroid-enhanced criminals. -@UtilityLimb % sick!! skrillex collabbin' w/ EVERYONE now!! kinda spreading himself thin though. didn't feel all that different losing a leg to "dubabetes" -@UtilityLimb % anyone can make a webcomic, watch [spends 8 years digging a deadly underground chamber filled w/ sphinxes] [dies] …blinded by my own hubris… -@UtilityLimb % living off nothing but bacon fat is a bad idea [huge arm stamps #ManCarbRevoked on my forehead] [real smart buff dude gives me a talkin' to] -@UtilityLimb % Please Read: A Personal Threat From The Guy Who Wrote Took Pics For The "Klingon Sword Techniques" Wiki Page (REMOVED DUE TO BS POLITICS) -@UtilityLimb % 50. 100. 200. Nothing. Finally, 1,000 met the youtube's age restriction. I paid for that lie in tears for all 6:66 of CRAZY FROG PROPHECIES… -@UtilityLimb % Ahh, now that Movember's over we can start Beecember! [You expect a bee joke, but there's nothing here. Nothing anywhere. This is the end.] -@UtilityLimb % horse_ebooks wearin a santa hat in his av! same one i wore today! what do you mean santa hats are soft+fuzzy and not 20sq yards of horseskin -@UtilityLimb % Please Eat Your Personal Apples, Wikipedia Founder Jimmy Wales. These Are Mine. -@UtilityLimb % START SEEING MOTORCYCLES. STOP SEEING ANYTHING BUT MOTORCYCLES. BECOME A MOTORCYCLE IN A UNIVERSE THAT IS EXACTLY THE SIZE OF ONE MOTORCYCLE -@UtilityLimb % UnTweeting a tweet to make people forget it was a cool feature until our memories of giving it access to work on IRL memories were UnTweeted -@UtilityLimb % dogs don't care that 3,000 people died on 9/11 until you explain that it was 21,000 in dog deaths -@UtilityLimb % tight pants make me a fag? are these FOUNDING FATHERS of our NATION fags? [punches hole in wall to reveal several mummies eating the wiring] -@UtilityLimb % oh no. not opening day 2. already lost my god damn back and neck. shoulda listened to that horse about this Adsense Calendar -@UtilityLimb % look sir, legally what you typed on that apple II 17 years ago has to go on the kid's birth cert. don't let ASS BICH get dysentery this time -@UtilityLimb % It got weird after the whole Simpson family died. With just minor characters running the show, why even call this a "Simpsons Secret Prison" -@UtilityLimb % halloween party, kids in the dark passing around a bowl of "sick drops that fell out skrillex head when he die" (electric eels) #ripskrillex -@UtilityLimb % DRUG DEALER TIP: if a dude wants to buy but you don't trust him, throw a frisbee. legally he's gotta run after it if he's a plainclothes dog -@UtilityLimb % "HEY! WAS LOOKING THROUGH THE SKYPE DIRECTORY. YOU SEEM COOL! ;)" it shrieks. under the floorboards, you try not to cry. it would hear you. -@UtilityLimb % leaked simpsons design doc details exact shade of yellow for daytime homer, nighttime homer, angry homer, blood homer, punishment homer, -@UtilityLimb % Your last companion has died of thirst on Google+! Several scavenging birds have been added to the Vulture Circle above you on Google+! -@UtilityLimb % [emerges from huge cocoon made of nightmares and dog jokes] [possibly with new abilities...?] [upcoming soon...!] -@UtilityLimb % dude one of those unicode smileys meant somethin BAD in another language… like 8 mayan cops are here building a zigurat out my lean cuisines -@UtilityLimb % "santa baby" is the weirdest christmas song… is she asking to be "let out of the contraption"? can't really hear over the sobbing and gears… -@UtilityLimb % what a terrible merchandising move… who has enough land to fit a "SeinField"? or enough weapons to fend off even a single harvest of jerrys? -@UtilityLimb % War On Xmas Continues As Neighbors Say Jesus Was Born In A Manger Not "Found In A Mine" That Their Kids Are Trapped In My Nativity Tunnels -@UtilityLimb % a huge trash gyre of all the superfluous letters i dropped from words. it spells out every life experience i missed because of social media. -@UtilityLimb % big flash mob singing that FIVE GOLDEN RINGS part over and over. everybody in matching robes just tearing shit apart looking for those rings -@UtilityLimb % We didn't think of the ecosystem when we abolished Mondays. Dying of starvation, we watch as our crops are devoured by millions of Garfields -@UtilityLimb % Our Fall/Winter 2017 Eddie Bauer Turtlenecks Come In Many Colors! Sky Red, Food Ration Grey, Memory Black, Police Invisible [RESTRICTED], -@UtilityLimb % a genie trying to explain to jay-z why he can't use his 99th problem to wish for infinite problems -@UtilityLimb % kids: the DOPEST rappers dress like cops, know your fears, are to be obeyed in the work pits, can't rap. for more rap trends: WWW.RAP,GOV -@UtilityLimb % oooh look at his creepy joke tweets~! i bet he's cute like that IRL not crying + drinking milk out of the carton -@UtilityLimb % it looked like rainclouds from afar, but the floating spidermass wa- *THE SPOOKYTWEET CRACKS OPEN. A BABY DUCK HATCHES OUT. MERRY CHRIMAS :] -@UtilityLimb % always a steampunk, never esteemed -@UtilityLimb % no one ever "gets" my crime name (THE CARNIVORE) when i tell them + they're never around to see it when i eat a carnival :/ -@UtilityLimb % thumbs up if a trap shaft sent you here! i mean like, from the outside world, not from another dollar tree subsector. how do you get out -@UtilityLimb % that backwards episode of seinfeld starts out cool but gets weird 3 billion years in with all those newmans splitting in half to reproduce -@UtilityLimb % eternally i pet this rigid steel dog here in bad tweet hades. this is my punishment for that joke about being "sentenced to hard labrador" -@UtilityLimb % after buying animal at store, do not open box. until seen, animal retains all possible animal traits and is unbound to specific animal form. -@UtilityLimb % Hello, this is Rachel from Catholder Services. We're calling to inform you about an issue with your cat. He says you aren't holding him. -@UtilityLimb % parody twitters of celebs no one recognizes; each making lewd jokes about body parts no one has; each dictated over speakers no one can find -@UtilityLimb % Thumbs up if you haven't evolved terrifying pincer hands in 2012!!!!!!!! 47 [symbol of hand with thumb violently pincered off] -@UtilityLimb % our office is just like dilbert, but with even crazier characters ;) skullbert (boss), skullbert (building), skullbert (only thing we know) -@UtilityLimb % ahhh... remember the 90?? [flashback to entire decade coalescing into one singular moment. everyone's 10 years older + crying] i love the 90 -@UtilityLimb % beards dot net beards dot org finally uniting for the good of humankind, but it's too late. the overbeard has breached the compound walls. -@UtilityLimb % MMFWCD - messy muthafuckin wickid clown divorce :/ #teencode -@UtilityLimb % we left our old words behind when we fled underground. he's making poems out of moss bats. "this one's about wulgus." i know. they all are -@UtilityLimb % "You can't just leave knowing Small Business Solutions are in bed with Small Business Mysteries," he said, sealing me into the cubicle maze. -@UtilityLimb % Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, knowledge manifests itself in radiant dreams that shimmer like the wild sun. -@UtilityLimb % this deluxe playset has many new days your garfield can rue: tuesday, moonday, nightday (endless) + more! plunge him into the depths of fear -@UtilityLimb % Review: Doritos (Tunnel Flavor): 200 FEET INTO BAG AND STILL NO CHIPS JUST FUNGUS + ROOT SYSTEMS OF WHAT TASTES LIKE A COOL RANCH TREE GROVE -@UtilityLimb % Todd shared a link: "Shit The Omniscient Authority Spire Says." Todd's location was changed from "Drone Warren 72A6-B" to "Reeducation Pods" -@UtilityLimb % #ReplaceSongNamesWithWordsThatLookJustLikeTheOldWordsButFeelDistantInAWayYouCant DescribeAndYouNoLongerRecognizeThePlacesAndPeopleAroundYou -@UtilityLimb % don't EVER talk to someone wearing a north face jacket!! if you get caught you will BOTH get eaten by The Great Southern Face -@UtilityLimb % condolences but our sponsors wish to remind you that social media is a worthwhile use of what fleeting time precedes the unknowable darkness -@UtilityLimb % Critics are calling Government Film's "RELATE EVERYTHING TO FORREST GUMP" propaganda vid the 'Feel Gump Hit Of The Summer!' 'A Slam Gump!' -@UtilityLimb % If you get your car behind the cop's you get to give him the ticket. If you get stuck under his car see maps for Cop Car Basement Levels 1-8 -@UtilityLimb % [overtaking your eyes and ears, every season of The Nanny plays in your mind's eye], [it happens again], and [a third time] #BadLawFirmNames -@UtilityLimb % In light of last week's tragic skelecaust, we now require legal proof that you are a dog before we set your Kickstarter currency to "bones." -@UtilityLimb % the @CORPORATION has replied. they do not understand. for a moment you forget the shifting world outside computer that you do not understand -@UtilityLimb % ATTN facebook friends: it posts every time you read those news articles. also why are all of you reading "THE HIVE-MASTER'S HOURLY COMMANDS" -@UtilityLimb % the horned man hands you the bag of sex jokes for your new comedy twitter. your face begins to trigger the gut reaction of seeing a cop car. -@UtilityLimb % dude go to DM. dude pry open the crack between those two DMs. dude crawl down that hole until you hit dirt. dude burrow into the earth until -@UtilityLimb % "tears in heaven" is considered metadubstep because it's a song about a sick drop -@UtilityLimb % four stumps before you, each over eighty feet wide. majestic beauty stood here for 1000 years until man cut down this Big Dog to make shirts -@UtilityLimb % It's hard using the web on THE SLITHERKING'S DAY, but a search for "mice" stops the snakes in the Google logo from coming out your monitor. -@UtilityLimb % REMEMBER THE 9Ds: DARKNESS DREAD DESPAIR DYSTOPIA DELUSION DENIAL DESTRUCTION DEATH DOG. STOP LAUGHING. WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE THAT ONE -@UtilityLimb % Those [ANCIENT RUINS] to the north were once the [GREAT SOCIAL MEDIA TEMPLE]. I hear there are [TREASURES] inside which [DELAY THE SADNESS]. -@UtilityLimb % Depression shakes his head. "I'm lost just like you, dude. I can't escape death either." He resumes crushing you and fostering media content -@UtilityLimb % deleted tweets fall through the earth into a forlorn cave full of all your childhood pets. "what's a brony" they say. "why'd you let me die" -@UtilityLimb % "There Must Be A Better Way!!" says future inventor of duck print gift wrap, desperately trying to cram his son's birthday legos into a duck -@UtilityLimb % a reply w/ a less words than you wrote means they don't wanna talk. a reply w/ negative words means you emailed a Memory Eater (CALL POLICE) -@UtilityLimb % a new high is sweeping the teen-munity: mousing over the "delete profile" button+crying as insuperable vanity binds you to this time cancer. -@UtilityLimb % Elder Statesman Posting About Ron Paul Secretly Just Elder Scrollsman -@UtilityLimb % A good pun is like a good steak: CARVED FROM AN ENSNARED IDEA MONSTER. ITS PACK HOWLS FOR VENGEANCE AND CLOSES IN. THE RTs WERE NOT WORTH IT -@UtilityLimb % what about ultraviolet history month when we suddenly saw the secret colors on the flowers and lost every earthly yearning but to pollinate -@UtilityLimb % it's sad thinking of all the dogs in old movies that have died, but even sadder thinking of the earth we fled because of the dogs that can't -@UtilityLimb % #RememberAnythingButThe90s? Distant tinge. Something? No. It's gone. The machine laughs. A nutrient reward pours into my only facial orifice -@UtilityLimb % don't #FF dog through a long maze of doggy doors and doggy passages you didn't know were in your house. dog just gets lost and cries. idiot. -@UtilityLimb % i just make dog jokes for attention. i don't know what they are or where one stops another begins in that weird mass that replaced the sea -@UtilityLimb % kinda miss when girls wore those "LOVE PINK" sweatpants. got kinda weird once they got replaced by "EAT BUGS," "FEAR SUN," and "LIVE CAVE" -@UtilityLimb % Wayne's World is a bit of a misnomer. The Garths control The Arcology the Waynes struggle in serfdom out in the staticky fragmented wastes -@UtilityLimb % #KnuckleTatIdea if you tat knuckles all over body then entire body functions as hand. unlock new world of gestures + punches; today. -@UtilityLimb % dude, deer did not invent a perfect system of economic equality and they do not have one "deer dollar" each. those are deer skulls. -@UtilityLimb % #newcerealnames screws i saved for reasons i forgot, afloat in stone bowls of rainwater lit by the stray tweets wisping through my cell bars -@UtilityLimb % Mafia Dog, trying to intimidate Cop Dog: How bout you make like a tree, and bark [both dogs just start barking at shit + pissing everywhere] -@UtilityLimb % What society thinks I do: [THE ABYSS, GAZING BACK]. What I REALLY do: [IT DOES NOT RETURN THE GAZE. WE HAVE NO COMPANION, NOT EVEN THE VOID] -@UtilityLimb % #ChrisBrownPickupLines [a lurid, soundless buzzing as chris hovers and flickers over a murky pond amidst dead trees canopied by a dead sky.] -@UtilityLimb % i sit by the milpool beside my milhouse, but these luxuries don't ease the milfear. how long can the milwall protect me from the milshadows? -@UtilityLimb % studied abroad? *grins* yeah, i've studied a broad... variety of this world's offerings and found no solution to my inescapable mortality ;) -@UtilityLimb % Audience Is Entirely Snakes. Help. #FiveWordTEDTalks -@UtilityLimb % Congrats @FeverishDesperation! @UtilityLimb picked you as the reason to tweet of the day favstar,fm/a_rat_triggering_a_trap_that_has_no_bait -@UtilityLimb % #BadFirstDateQuestions what happened in that cube that commits an arbitrary crime inside itself each time you wonder what crime it just did? -@UtilityLimb % TRIGGER WARNING: tuxedonormative unable to discriminate between tuxedo print shirt / shirt print tuxedo, eject people not invitationormative -@UtilityLimb % fired from borders when i moved everyones gender to the fiction section the remaining energy beings had infinite wisdom + no need for book -@UtilityLimb % ah, bagels! [plucks one from vine] nature's DVDs! [opens it] [inside: tiny men act out a movie. i know this movie. do i? where is everyone?] -@UtilityLimb % It's the only way we can know how long it's been since the collapse… [Letterman is counting up not down on his top 10. He's in the billions] -@UtilityLimb % wait so egalitarianism's just some shit about equality? [dodges 2 of the 800 swooping eagles i unleashed into the debate hall] man fuck that -@UtilityLimb % Wow, Kony is w- [is suddenly trampled+devoured by a herd of zebras rendered completely unnoticable after evolving stripes to mimic QR codes] -@UtilityLimb % steamy tumblrs with every object of our desire: fuselage, cones, roughage, ore. is there lust in your belly, kony? you and i will eat it all -@UtilityLimb % Cathy: Tower Defense not a game. Actual tower. Acks beckon me to climb just one more floor. Will I ever find her? I do not remember my name. -@UtilityLimb % Affluent man peers into dead friend's tomb, gasps. The items are gone. They have accompanied him to the next world. Miracle. Credits roll. -@UtilityLimb % @FuckminsterBull @J_Chastain you know it's him when the cop takes his "KNOWN HUMAN FOOD" list he starts braising beaks + bits of cartridge -@UtilityLimb % broken eggshells and garbage go in one end, embryotic debris comes out the other. feed to this machine your memories; the 90s are born anew. -@UtilityLimb % @wolfpupy we played "the floor is lava" until we could block out the memory of going to the carpet factory seeing them skin those rug rats -@UtilityLimb % man, the last 20 ghosts in a row just squawked and pooped and pecked us. i'm starting to doubt this ouija bird -@UtilityLimb % 2011's tweets migrating above. one of mine! does he remember me? no, he's only an animal. get back in the bunker, we're just food to him now -@UtilityLimb % Every 1,000 years the moon will appear yellow for all of Chevy Truck Month due to the passing piss tail of Calvin's Comet -@UtilityLimb % cultures yet to invent dogs still make speculative dog tweets. "they have form," says one. "they are formless," says another. both are wrong -@UtilityLimb % goofus achieves wonders like instantaneous global communication and interplanetary travel but remains governed by his own decay. gallant too -@UtilityLimb % Bulldozers rolling backwards as rubble forms itself into Palestinian homes in their wake #UnsettlingCars -@UtilityLimb % "Muck Man send you LinkedIn request :)" says the writing on the empty pizza box pierced by a fishing hook. The line leads back into the bog. -@UtilityLimb % *Rubs hand along stump* Count 'em, 600 rings. That's 600 years old! Told you she was an ancient spirit in the body of a preteen female Sonic -@UtilityLimb % ahahaha search for "starbugs" and check out at all the idiots misspelling starbuck- huh? look at the sky? oh...... oh............ -@UtilityLimb % [duck is quacking] damn dude that duck is in SERIOUS disrepair [sprays wd-40 into duck mouth] [duck starts chirping like nightingale] -@UtilityLimb % WEAR COLORS OUTSIDE THE IRISH VISIBLE SPECTRUM + SPEAK ABOVE IRISH AUDIBLE RANGE TODAY, TOMORROW, ALL DAYS UNTIL WE ESCAPE THIS BLARNEY CUBE -@UtilityLimb % an oscar the grouch in every trashcan doesn't break the canon that there's only one of him, each connects to a central body in the undercity -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin every discarded leg that makes its way down to the trash caverns gets found by scavenging berts and attached to oscar the growth -@UtilityLimb % my pitch for a "gritty reboot of myself" isn't going so well; all the pre-schools say i can't enroll at 28 -@UtilityLimb % for every retweet you earn with your twitterform upon the tweetplane, your new form shall contain one more bone in the next life (boneplane) -@UtilityLimb % While Lisa "Right Eye" Lopez entered a catatonic state upon the death of Left Eye, Center Eye was unaffected and continues to loom and wail. -@UtilityLimb % for once i'd like to see something other than FLESH and THE VEIL BETWEEN THIS WORLD AND THE NEXT in the rending topics -@UtilityLimb % my Fantasy Centipede Team is dominating the league right now w/ 5,000,000 legs grown + 50,000 manifestations out of imagination into reality -@UtilityLimb % @brendlewhat idiot bug think leg opulence bring fulfillment. hard to blame him. not many other option as bug. -@UtilityLimb % #ThoughtsAtAHouseParty woah, bob saget is WAAY different IRL than on full house. i think. dunno. i don't have sensory perception. i'm a fern -@UtilityLimb % don't type and hold unshift, you'll pen subcase letters so subtle they slip right through the membrane into the cistern of undertweets below -@UtilityLimb % @brendlewhat "the shale is retweeting itself," says the geologist, burying himself in sediment. "this does not help me, but still i do it." -@UtilityLimb % @TPHD consume me in your webring maw. pass me to the geocities that sprawl across the inner belly, their tiny dwellers repurposing my carbon -@UtilityLimb % there's more than one way to skin a cat ;) whole lot more ways ;) some you learn by accident while petting someone's cat ;) i'm really sorry -@UtilityLimb % watermelon was seriously wounded... but the soul still burns - soul gallagher -@UtilityLimb % "starship enterprise's detaching saucer is based on animal kingdom" - me, having wasted my ammo on duck body, now being eaten by duck head -@UtilityLimb % This is the Today Show, I'm your host Bryant Gumbel [he sits in a chair. he and the chair split in two like an amoeba] and I'm Giant Brendle -@UtilityLimb % he's a good dog, if you can see him, or even remember him at all. i'm not so sure i even have a dog, but that's the nature of faint bernards -@UtilityLimb % marmaduke's owners are taking him to the vet, but magmaduke violently erupts from the earths core and lays waste to the entire city -@UtilityLimb % if you don't know where to put a semicolon, try using it on every blankspace in your inventory. one should open the hole to the next thought -@UtilityLimb % the "fuck yeah rocks that look like people" tumblr is just photos of everyone you know. they no longer respond in any form but quiet erosion -@UtilityLimb % WELCOME TO GYM. [5gp] WOOD MUSCLE // [10gp] LEATHER MUSCLE // [50gp] IRON MUSCLE // [100gp] WISTFUL MUSCLE // [999gp] DESOLATION MUSCLE -@UtilityLimb % i didn't unfollow, it was twitter! there's a family of applesnails in your lunch bag a stickynote saying "BANDIT FRIENDS :)"? also twitter -@UtilityLimb % Age? No, thanks ;) Sex? Yes, please ;) Location? Yes, please ;) Please, God ;) Let me exist somewhere ;) Anywhere ;) Out of this darkness ;) -@UtilityLimb % hungercrazed eating dirt and leather and soon one another. why did we do this. #ReplaceFoodWithSongNames -@UtilityLimb % being caught by the Sufferluffagus is a much more precise and detailed agony than the dreamlike violence of Big Blurred -@UtilityLimb % .@favstar your bots all collapsed into favblackholes and are retweeting jokes i don't remember making to congratulate me for negative favs?? -@UtilityLimb % //TASKLESS IN THIS ECONOSPHERE?? >> EARN 1,0000,0000 WEALTH CRESTS EACH MOON JUST FOR PLAGUESPREAD!! {{ TURN "DIS HARDSHIP" INTO "DISEASE"\\ -@UtilityLimb % THAT WAS IN REPLY TO @J_CHASTAIN BUT IT DID NOT FIT -@UtilityLimb % @J_Chastain "what if the sickness.. is the cure" says the dying old man. rats are gnawing upon his body and reblogging the tumblrs he bleeds -@UtilityLimb % Seinfeld, The Outwards Episode: Each scene is imagined by a character in the next. The final reveal is existence was imagined by the viewer. -@UtilityLimb % WELCOME TO PRANKNET. PICK OPTION: 1> DECEIVE OTHER [1 DAY] 2> DECEIVE SELF INTO BELIEVING YOU ARE THIS BODY YOU'RE EXPERIENCING [364 DAYS] -@UtilityLimb % If you are just waking up now, 1) Everyone not named Tom is dead. We don't know what happened or why. 2) Yes, we already renamed it "Tomblr" -@UtilityLimb % Waste this life tweeting jokes about Toms making a "Tomblr." The Angel of Death is digging your grave and he's got a much better Tomblr joke -@UtilityLimb % Nelson Mandela, covered in tiny Nelson Mandelas, standing with Nelson Mandelas on a giant Nelson Mandela, forming the Nelson Mandelabrot Set -@UtilityLimb % Congratulations, your acadmic excellence has placed you on The Beam's List! Please exit that laser-deflecting bunker for your reward (beams) -@UtilityLimb % optometrists can see your thoughts when shining that light in your eyes but can't understand them. they're too blurry. you need glasses dude -@UtilityLimb % morning tip: close your sensory holes when moving from sleeping bag to waking bag. do not experience the unbagged void outside the bagwombs. -@UtilityLimb % #lessintimidatingsportsteams men just like you who've sometimes cried and not known why, aging slowly into the same decrepit form you embody -@UtilityLimb % damn, club is poppin' tonight! all the dying animals left the forest came here to wilt+decay together on the dancefloor! whole club crying -@UtilityLimb % A starving King Midas surrounded by ancient rotting food. Every last bit of it Instagrammed by his touch. -@UtilityLimb % @graeyalien @brendlewhat @ConorTripler to vote LIMB turn to ballot page w/ the weird maw feed it as many enemy voters as u can (1 vote/lb) -@UtilityLimb % I vow to eliminate the unconstitutional Big Government that wastes our tax dollars + the unearthly Big Governor that eats our fishing boats. -@UtilityLimb % DRILLED SO FAR: 6 MILES INTO OWN FACE. IF HEAD HAS SKULL THEN SKULL MUST HAVE WEIRDER SKULL INSIDE AND MY RESUME WILL BE FIRST TO FEATURE IT -@UtilityLimb % reversing a gif of a dude being hurt will heal him IRL but the Wound Spirit can't be tricked and it'll put you in a dog gif doing a violence -@UtilityLimb % @woodmuffin just found one that's tweeting every building i construct in my horrible city --> @markgeorge341 -@UtilityLimb % Your account may not be allowed to perform this action. Please close the page forget you saw that "Refear this fear to your drones" button -@UtilityLimb % this is the wilhelm scream of pits. name any movie with a pit. this was that pit. name any of your family. i've pushed them into this pit. -@UtilityLimb % i love her BUTTE, but only PLATEAUNICALLY ;) [a tumbleweed made of bugs rolls by. they keep still, moved only by wind. are they dead? am i?] -@UtilityLimb % Yelp > Novelty Las Vegas Replica On Las Vegas Strip: DOESN'T LOOK LIKE VEGAS. EVERY BUILDING IS THAT ONE BLACK PYRAMID SO IS HOTEL STAFF 0/5 -@UtilityLimb % @brendlewhat "Welcome Out Of The Luxor" says the doorman, opening his coat to reveal a stairway leading to a Luxor of even stranger violence -@UtilityLimb % @Bro_Pair @brendlewhat ... but in Egypt, you feared the Ibis! Ha ha, thanks folks, I'll be entombed here at the Lmaotep all week + eternity. -@UtilityLimb % "It's terrible to be HOME, STUCK in an MS PAIN ADVENTURE" - Andrew Hussie, before getting booed off stage at a Multiple Sclerosis fundraiser -@UtilityLimb % our petting zoo's "Meet Ryan Gosling" attraction is closed because his lawyers say a gosling is a baby goose not a rapidly growing sinkhole -@UtilityLimb % that north korean missile sure burns faster than the house+objects around me!! please rt i'm trapped in a fire @911 isn't seeing my tweets -@UtilityLimb % @brendlewhat @911's social media guru ignoring my pleas, just replies "We LOVE that you love our brand!" "New DLC 2013: Cop Won't Hit You" -@UtilityLimb % nah dude that job offer is a scam, "ALL SPIDERS" don't have a social media guru opening but ~600 idiots fall for it every week and get eaten -@UtilityLimb % save cash at the grocer! fill veggies w/ helium until your voice hits the resonant frequency of the chains binding consciousness to the body -@UtilityLimb % the celeb that exists only as an abstract now exists here in deeper abstraction. the celeb has tweeted you! in the distance, you have a body -@UtilityLimb % "anyone hear about this new ipad?" [jay leno pauses] "anyone hear anything at all?" [jay wanders the desolate cities. even the wind is gone] -@UtilityLimb % @UtilityLimb Congrats on your 10,000 cat dominion! slavegar.field/HugeMondayHoveringAboveThePyramidPunishingGarfieldsThatRefuseToBu ildIt.jpg -@UtilityLimb % they're two different things, todd. you get FRIENDSNAILED in a SNAILZONE so you can wake your ASTRAL SNAILBODY from this WORLD IT'S DREAMING -@UtilityLimb % an old achewood panel rotted away and philippe fell out. he wanders the site's php, begging to be let back in, but onstad, like god, is dead -@UtilityLimb % pursue creativity until you're too jaded to enjoy what you loved about it to begin with. keep believing there's some answer to life in art. -@UtilityLimb % @FuckminsterBull all 50+ people who faved this https://t.co/Eo2lDGEG did so w/ good reason knew about brendle's famous chairs. both chairs -@UtilityLimb % "in the past, primitive tribes used something called 'art' to promote their dearest products and brands" - future man, an ARG history major -@UtilityLimb % 20-something learning to live love as she tries to find patterns in a gale of blurry dreams to portray them as meaning in a 3rd person bio -@UtilityLimb % @Lowenaffchen don't art anymore. art's a description of fulfillment you can't experience. can't tell an art-soaked skeleton from regular one -@UtilityLimb % @fart 1st body mod "the body" allowed ass hole spirits to take shape+evolve over billion years slander my "im gaga for gout girls" webring -@UtilityLimb % as a lil bandit i wanted to make art that conveyed the intangible mystery felt inside. the sum of my work: http://t.co/OYJMmcOf @mattcornell -@UtilityLimb % FUTUREMAN HAS BUILT THE FONT OF BABEL. THE CASES TOWER ABOVE EVEN THE UPPEREST CASE WE CAN IMAGINE. THE OLD WORDS ARE SO BORING + STUPID NOW -@UtilityLimb % dude, don't name your kid that when he's got a speech impediment. how's he gonna make "a cool dino roar" with that awful rusted grate mouth -@UtilityLimb % what's the "use tunnels dreams" checkbox on googlemaps? how do i turn "slight inward toward memory of house with iron floors (toll shaft)" -@UtilityLimb % Goofs: Beavis believes his existence to be that which he experiences rather than the blanket of darkness shrouding the infinity he does not. -@UtilityLimb % who's a dork for being the preeminent Donald In Mathmagic Land Extended Canon scholar now? [escapes unscathed as my classmates die of Traps] -@UtilityLimb % that's sick as hell dog! [later, at veterinarian] "sorry, hell dog passed away last night" why wasn't i with him? the guilt will never leave -@UtilityLimb % teens building new species of teen out of every available resource. teens of moss and teens of ore, our old weapons can not harm them. -@UtilityLimb % scene in The Tetris Movie where the locusts eat the z-crops & the villagers are so famished they eat long blocks until their necks disappear -@UtilityLimb % your movie script is a lot like unicode in that it's got a bunch of stupid characters that will never show up on a screen -@UtilityLimb % each tweet is full of tiny little bones & one day the tiny people of the future will exhume our jokes to build even tinier people (to crush) -@UtilityLimb % a dog in a chamber deep underground. when there are no more tweets left to make, he will die. he's crying, this is the last one. bandit, no! -@UtilityLimb % @wolfpupy scientist discover saddest animal. cant say it name. crying too hard. doesnt matter tho, the hungriest animal will come for us all -@UtilityLimb % @wolfpupy every time an animator erased black rugrat another black rugrat would appear in the ball ducts (they pump balls into the ball pit) -@UtilityLimb % everybody welcome our surprise celebrity guest!! [the arm from arm & hammer hops out on stage and starts hammering people indiscriminately] -@UtilityLimb % "man i'm sick of tv shooting for the lowest common dominator," drones man controlled by one of the largest, rarest dominators (psy-owl hive) -@UtilityLimb % corporations are people because people are corporations made of trillions of cells that survive by destroying+consuming weaker corporations -@UtilityLimb % ya, last name spelled: [distant howl] as in far off train, [metallic scraping] as in axe being dragged through quarry, [quiet sobbing] as in -@UtilityLimb % "chicken scallopini? i could tweet chicken skele-penis," i say to the shadows on the cave wall. i don't even remember that i'm chained here. -@UtilityLimb % dunno why the instructions are rage comics, i didn't buy it. the ikea guy just gave it to us villagers & vanished. i think it's a mausoleum. -@UtilityLimb % open a girl twit pic and click expand. it make her grow from mere notion of what you can't have to real embodiment of what you can't have :] -@UtilityLimb % "how creative. the joy division album cover again," - me, sarcastically, to the endless black & white lines pouring out the sky into the sea -@UtilityLimb % don't set your timeline to military time. bunch of weird dudes tweet from 2400-6666 hours & all they talk about is some secret "in the well" -@UtilityLimb % wow, tweet 666 comin' up. oh damn! it's a SICK tweet. new era for u-limb. new style. better than dogs! better than hell dude! here it comes: -@UtilityLimb %