Skip to main content
A cartoon depiction of the author, wearing a hoodie and smiling

How To Hate Yourself in 2015

Look, this isn't new hat. People have been hating themselves both disingenuously and... genously? ingenuously? Fuck, if you had taken even one more English class you might know this. Ok, suck it up, Wiktionary exists: cmd-space chrome cmd-l wiktionary disingenuous antonym.

CANDIDLY. People have been hating themselves disingenuously and candidly for ages. Wait, candidly doesn't really encapsulate all of it though. Ugh. I don't know. Just get on with it, okay? Anyway PEOPLE HATE THEMSELVES FOR BAD AND GOOD REASONS AND WILL CONTINUE TO FOR A VERY LONG TIME, both before and after you and your shitty lifestyle where you sit and write and listen to pop music roundups in your apartment in one of the BIGGEST CITIES IN THE WORLD do people really hate themselves for bad reasons or is it just that they learn how to put on appearances that they do when it is advantageous

ok focus


we were talking about hating yourself.

There are a lot of reasons to hate yourself. One reason, apparently, is to cash in on the success of people who hate themselves???!??!?!??!? This is a real thing and the worst part is that a lot of people who genuinely hate themselves will also worry that they hate themselves because it is "cool" and hate themselves even more as a result

I mean. I think. shit. How can you even know

Another reason to hate yourself is that you spend your days concerned that you are a miserable failure, that any success you've had is by chasing the coattails of way more talented people than yourself, that your limited success comes from a terrible and mediocre ability to microtrendspot and mimic that, in which case you are like a terrible and weirdly pathetic version of someone who can spot ACTUAL REAL HUGE TRENDS and, idk, let's just say they make a twitter account based on people who use the hashtag "#postsexpic" and sell ads against it for a cool $10k or whatever, and they do that some number of times a year. At least those people turned a life spending too much time on social media and a gut feeling into a bunch of money. That's success, right? You have also spent too much time on social media and had gut feelings and it's mostly turned into tweets with a couple hundred retweets and/or feelings of regret a while later

ANOTHER reason is to hate yourself for feeling jealous of anyone who sees that kind of success despite thinking that tying a feeling of success to monetary gain is gross because of your misgivings about capitalism in general. Being afraid to express your feelings about capitalism in public when it dictates your ability to continue your extremely privileged lifestyle, the ability for everyone you know to survive, and also you just have a BS, what do you even know about capitalism, UGH, NEXT

Looking for a good reason to hate yourself? Maybe take advantage of the fact that social media in 2015 has a selfie-positive narrative, a body-positive narrative, but you still genuinely hate yourself. You really truly believe you are worse than other people, that your body is Fucked Up and when people talk on social media in terms of "cuties" you feel left out and scared. This one is easy

I think.


In 2015 it's easy to hate yourself because you can recognize all of the problems with your 2014 self where you got upset about things without actually doing anything that helped. What did your retweets of POC do, what did your cash donations to worthwhile related causes do, what did the nights achieve that you spent awake trying to reconcile how mad you were at someone you used to respect? Maybe in 2015 you'll be better, maybe you'll learn how to not let things bother you that don't matter and you'll learn to make a difference when it comes to the causes that do. But also maybe you'll play video games when you could be making a difference, maybe you'll spend money on a pair of headphones you don't need when it could help someone else, maybe you'll find a song really catchy despite the fact that it's by a known garbage man. You will do these things wrong and more and it is an opportunity to hate yourself!!! JACKPOT

IT IS 100% POSSIBLE that in 2015 there are other people who feel these same things, who have worse regrets, who have somehow found a way to recognize these fears and shames and pains and yet move on with their life, to go outside and look someone else in the eye and not only ignore their shortcomings but live as a human, to know that you can be horribly flawed and somehow move on and order a sandwich and go to a meeting and tell other people that they are worthy of attention and love. If you find such a person TAKE THEM DOWN, UNEARTH THEIR SECRETS AND LET US KNOW WHAT THEY ARE

~the end~ lol jk the only end is waiting for us at the end of days and we are not prepared

SELFPOSTSCRIPT: microtrendspot? that is not a word and the fact that you even decided it was is proof that you deserve less than nothing in this world